Next on the Frederick County Commission agenda

The Baltimore Sun

A little while ago I suggested that the Frederick County commissioners were showboating with their ordinance making English the official language in the county. But this is America, and the people elected them, and they are entitled to waste the people's time with frivolous enactments.

So, by way of apology for the harshness of my tone previously, I offer them a humble suggestion. Let them next make football the official sport of Frederick County, thus thwarting the inroads of Latinos and their detestable futbol.

Not that I can endorse this measure myself. Despite my thoroughgoing lack of interest in all known forms of sport, I can see how soccer is superior to football. Watching football is like watching the British and Germans go back and forth over the same ten yards of mud on the Western Front: Attack. Stop. Regroup. Counterattack. Stop. Repeat. Soccer keeps moving.

All the same, it's their county, to do with as they please, so long as they remain in office.

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