Yes, your worst fears have been realized: Someone has written "The Recall Song."
Yes, it's getting air-time.
Yes, it's horrifyingly bad.
Desperately bored individuals can hear the song, sung to the tune of "American Pie," by visiting a pro-recall Web site - www.recallgraydavis.com.
Sample lyrics (with apologies to the great Don McLean):
A long, long time ago ...
I can still remember ...
The days of Governor Jerry Brown ...
We thought things couldn't get much worse,
Moonbeam and his medfly curse,
But now Jerry Brown isn't looking all that bad.
Is there someone out there who can save us?
From the clutches of Gray Davis?
In keeping with the lofty tone of the entire recall debate, a Web site that opposes the recall - www.oshpoosh.com - opens:
"As anyone with a TV, radio or Internet connection knows, a bunch of morons in California spent a fortune in time and money to enact a bizarre California Constitutional provision where a sitting governor can be recalled."
Obscure candidate Ned Roscoe is hoping for the support of California's 4 million smokers.
Roscoe is the president of Cigarettes Cheaper!, a national discount chain.
On his Smokers Party Web site - www.smokersparty.com - smokers are described as "the most abused minority in California.
"No politician would think of treating you badly because you are Asian, Hispanic or African-American. Homosexuals, Muslims, homeless and extremely large people are never targeted for tax increases," he argues.
Roscoe's top "attributes" for a gubernatorial run are listed as: 1. He has never run for public office; 2. He has never voted for a cigarette tax increase; 3. He has never voted for any restrictive cigarette laws.
In a photo with this manifesto, Roscoe is inexplicably shown leaning jauntily against what appears to be a plastic replica of a brontosaurus.
- Kevin Cowherd