A guide to baseball's odd and endearing nomenclature, for those who watch the game only in October:
Pitchers' duel: Low-scoring game where pitchers are so dominant that it renders the other players (and fans) inconsequential. Considered by many to be the highest form of baseball.
Slugfest: Opposite of pitchers' duel, where lots of runs are scored.
Snoozefest: See "pitchers' duel."
Seventh-inning stretch: Point at which fans attempt to stand after consuming too much oink. The game's approximate midpoint, because of the endless pitching changes soon to follow.
Oink: Ballpark meat, usually pork.
Can of corn: Easy pop fly. In Kansas City, a restroom, or a popular dessert.
Chew: Tobacco taken orally. Also, Tommy Lasorda's favorite verb.
Southpaw: Leftie, liberal, nonconformist. Throws with opposite hand from normal people. Thinks with opposite side of brain.
Northpaw: A pitcher for the Minnesota Twins.
Taxes: Where Astros and Rangers play.
Taxes Leaguer: Bloop single.
Heater: A day game at Dodger Stadium. Also, a scorching fastball. Usage: "Bring the heat."
High cheese: A ball up in the strike zone. Usage: "Lay off the high cheese, you idiot." Also, a Packers fan after the second quarter. Usage: "Lay off the schnapps, you cheesehead."
Sliders: Tiny burgers. Best served with high cheese.
Pitcher: The best way to buy beer.
Short Stop: The best baseball bar in L.A.
Sandy Koufax: Legendary Dodger ace. Also, a great name for an L.A. beach (someday).
Infield fly rule: Batter is automatically out — and runners advance at their own risk — after a routine popup to the infield, with less than two outs, and runners on first and second, or first, second and third, on alternate Tuesdays in July.
Dropped third strike: Batter may advance to first base after a strikeout when ... oh, who cares? — it never works.
Deuces wild: Scullyism for two balls, two strikes, two outs.
Little nubber: Scullyism for weak rolling hit. Also, players' pet name for Fox reporter Ken Rosenthal.
Refill: Something snack bars never give.
Re-Phil: What Manager Ryne Sandberg will do next season in Philadelphia.
Strained oblique: Strained stomach (see "oink").
Tommy John surgery: Procedure to repair an elbow ligament, usually in a pitcher.
Farmer John surgery: Procedure for making a Dodger Dog edible, usually involving a quart of mustard and extra relish.
The wave: Antiquated but beloved expression of fan boredom or joy, mimicking the swirling action seen in stadium toilets. Detested by purists.
Beach balls: See "the wave."
Purists: People who detest things real people love.
Balk: Mistake in pitching motion with runner(s) on base. Penalty: Runner(s) advance one base.
Beer balk: When the dude in front of you doesn't decide what he wants till he reaches the snack counter despite having waited in line 20 minutes. Penalty: Ejection.
Squeeze: Something teenagers do to keep warm. Archaic, a bunt with a runner on third (rarely seen today).
Garlic fries: After baseball, God's greatest work.
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