Q: Throughout my childhood, I had a growth problem. I was always two to three years behind everyone else in development. When I was 7, I looked like I was 5. When I was 14, I looked like I was 11, etc.
Because I was the smallest boy (smallest child, period) in the school, I was the butt of all the jokes. Everyone in the school made fun of me. I was routinely beaten up by the bullies. The girls ridiculed me and laughed at me. When they found out that I had a smaller-than-normal penis, after seeing me in the gym showers (in junior high), things got even worse. They told everyone. I suffered permanent physical and psychological damage.
I am now almost 52. I live alone. I have never had a love life or a sex life. I have never even been on a date. I am incapable of doing any of these things. I don't know how to kiss, or anything like that. I don't have the slightest idea.
A: As someone who is only 4 feet 7 inches tall, I have sympathy for your plight, but only to a limited degree. When I was young, I thought I'd never attract a man, but I did — not because I grew, but because I "grew" my personality. I worked hard to overcome whatever limitations were placed on me because of my size. So, yes, you were bullied long ago, but you need to put those years behind you.
I strongly believe it's never too late, and if you can't do this by yourself, then get some professional counseling. You've suffered long enough from what happened to you back then, so now begin to do something so that you can find someone to love.
Q: My husband and I have been together for six years. We have a 3-month-old son; when he was 3 weeks old, I found my husband on an informal flirting website. When I confronted him about it, he lied to me. (This is not the first time I've seen this, either.) He has physically cheated on me once before. I ended up doing the same out of spite and will never repeat it again.
I temporarily had to move an hour away from him because of school, but he wants me back home. Because I can't yet, and because of what has happened, I fear that he is cheating again. It's making me very distrustful toward him. I'm not sure if I'm overreacting when he behaves a certain way or if it's just me being paranoid, and he in return gets defensive.
I do love him, and I always try to see his point of view. But when I talk to him about not being able to trust him again, he flips the script onto me. I thought we were past this, but obviously we aren't. Should I leave and break up our family? I desperately need some advice from someone not on my or his side.
A: There are two important factors to consider here. The first is the distance between you. How long is this going to last? If that aspect of the problem is going to resolve itself in a month or two, that's one thing. If you're going to live apart for a much longer time, then I don't know what will happen. And No. 2 is the child and how all this will affect him.
Certainly you should make every effort to stay together, but sometimes it's not possible. What I think you should do is undergo some counseling. Having a professional act as arbitrator would be very helpful in this situation.
You might not need more than a couple of sessions, but it would help clarify matters for both of you. Schedule a meeting with a counselor, and see if you can make some progress with the help of a professional therapist.
Q: I am 65 years old. It has taken me many years to truly reach orgasm during intercourse. Now I am finding that as I near orgasm, my vagina contracts, but I also push down, releasing some stool.
My husband is so turned off that he no longer wants sex. I am so embarrassed and heartbroken. My self-esteem has plummeted. Is there anything I can do?
A: You won't release any stool if there's nothing to release, so do whatever it takes to make sure that your bowel is empty before sex.
Make sure you are getting enough fiber, and perhaps take some stool softener so that when you do have a bowel movement, you are completely empty.
If you can do that, you should no longer encounter this problem. You should speak to your doctor to confirm this advice.
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