Q: I have no idea why my husband of only two years won't touch me. He doesn't even want to kiss me good night. I'm thinking that maybe he's not attracted to me anymore.
We fight all the time — or I should say that I am angry with him most of the time and I pick a fight over any little thing because I'm not getting any.
A: Most people who have a bad relationship also have a bad sex life, and it seems that your relationship is terrible, so it's not surprising that you have a lousy sex life.
You two need to straighten out your relationship, and if you can, I suspect your sex life will blossom once again. If you can't do this by yourselves, then see a marital counselor.
If you don't, your marriage is going to end, so it is important that you do something to repair the damage before it is too late and the relationship is so bad that it can't be fixed.
Q: I am in a relationship with a man, whom I have been with for four years. I love him and he loves me, and we are still very much in love.
We have sex, but sometimes it doesn't last as long as I would like. He tells me that I got the "new" him.
Mind you, we now have children, and he is settled into the family-man lifestyle. He told me that the old him lasted a long time when it came to sex with other women. But now that he's a family man, he feels that marathon sex is out the window.
I told him that it's unfair that the women of his past received long-lasting pleasure, and now that he's content with his family lifestyle, I get the short end of the stick. What should I do?
A: Many men have issues with control. Some start out having trouble, while others lose their ability to maintain their erections.
It's hard to say what might cause a man to lose control, but having once had it usually makes it easier for him to be able to regain that control.
So, assuming your partner is telling the truth and he used to have control, if he would be willing to work with you on it, then it should be something he could relearn.
Talk about this some more, and if he's willing but not sure how to go about it, get him a book on the subject. If he has never had control, this will be a little harder to accomplish but not impossible.
Again, get him a book, and with some patience, he should meet with success.
Q: I have trouble with lubrication during intercourse. Can you give me a recipe for a homemade lubricant?
A: No, I can't, because the ingredients you're likely to find around your home are not appropriate to put inside your vagina.
First, you're not supposed to use a douche because it washes out the good bacteria.
Second, if you put anything oily in your vagina, it creates an environment where bad bacteria can grow. But since you shouldn't douche, then you can't get rid of the oil. The water-based lubricants that are sold are safe, but they're not something that you can duplicate at home, unless maybe you have a degree in chemistry!
If any of my readers do know how to easily create your own safe lubricant, please write in and let me know.
Q: Due to work availability, my husband and I have been apart for three months, and he has recently come home and we have sex a lot for hours at a time, but he can't ejaculate.
Why is that, and what can we do? We need help, as he is leaving again tomorrow.
A: This answer isn't going to reach you in time, but I'm still going to respond to you, as he will be coming back again.
The problem undoubtedly is that he was so anxious to have an orgasm that he distracted himself, and then he started to worry that he wasn't having one, and that made it even harder. This could set up a pattern that will repeat each time he comes home.
So he must fill his head with erotic thoughts and push out any worries about whether he will have an orgasm. And you have to let him do this, most importantly by not saying a word about how long it is taking.
He's going to need to concentrate on these erotic thoughts in his head, and if he does, I'm sure he'll overcome this.
"Sex for Dummies" (IDG Books) is among Dr. Ruth Westheimer's most popular books. Have a question for Dr. Ruth? Write to her at drruth.com.
Distributed by King Features Syndicate
Bickering and lack of sex create vicious circle in relationship
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