Summer Sale! Get unlimited digital access for 13 weeks for $13.
Lifestyle Weddings

If you have two grooms, what do you call the rest of the wedding party?

It didn’t take my fiancé and me very long to decide who would join us down the aisle. We have a small, intimate circle of friends, so choosing them was easy. We settled on having six of our friends who would make up our party: four women and two men. The hard part was finding the right words to call them. The traditional bride/groom format has well-defined roles, traditions and terms for each person in the party. However, when faced with a bride/bride or groom/groom setup, the rules don’t fit so neatly.

We’re both men, so calling us “grooms” was fine. For our closest friends, we couldn’t call them our best men because they were women.  The men in our party could be our “groomsmen,” but calling the women our “groomsmaids” sounds awkward.  As a party, we tossed around “wedding attendants,” “wedding party,” “Friends of (Groom’s Name),” and other terms we found on wedding blogs. Without tradition to guide us, we had to figure out what sounded best and respected the roles our friends have in our wedding.

Even though we are moving toward a more inclusive wedding environment, the traditional roles of a wedding are still revered and ubiquitous in the wedding industry. These labels appear in the emails we receive from potential vendors, on default pages of our wedding website, and in casual conversations with several event coordinators. 

Are we staying in the “bridal suite” at the hotel or will we have a “groom’s cake” at the reception? Such questions reflect the many years of only marriage between one man and one woman.  As more gay and lesbian couples plan to marry, the industry has to evolve, and as engaged couples, we have to create new traditions that fit our needs.

For Enrique and I, we settled on having our “best women” lead our “honored attendants” on our wedding day. Our best friends are the best women for the role, and we are honored to have our closest friends join us at the altar.

Copyright © 2015, The Baltimore Sun
Related Content
  • Maryland celebrities' weddings

    Maryland celebrities' weddings

    'Tis the season to get married, and local celebrities are no exception. From politicians to athletes and TV personalities, we've rounded up engagement and wedding photos from Baltimore's biggest names. Who knows? Perhaps you'll find inspiration for your own nuptials. -- L'Oreal Thompson

  • Maryland weddings

    Maryland weddings

    Browse photos of recent Maryland weddings -- from traditional church ceremonies to quirky, Baltimore-themed celebrations. To read more about each couple's story, go to Just wedded? Email your wedding details to

  • Baltimore-area wedding venues to fit your budget

    Baltimore-area wedding venues to fit your budget

    It's one of the most important wedding decisions — where to, you know, have the wedding. Apart from finding a spot that fits your unique tastes and themes, there's the matter of timing. Some wedding consultants suggest booking one year or more in advance. Yeah, these places fill up fast.

  • 20 great places to get engaged in Baltimore

    20 great places to get engaged in Baltimore

    Love is in the air, which means it's a good time to start thinking of ways to ask your romantic partner to marry you. Whether you're edgy or old-fashioned, here are some suggestions for the best places to propose in Baltimore. Good luck and be sure to use the comments field below to share your...

  • What's in/out for wedding fashions in 2014

    What's in/out for wedding fashions in 2014

  • Wedding trends with impact

    Wedding trends with impact

    Trends are just that -- trends. Even when it comes to weddings. Some stick around for a while (destination weddings!) while others quickly die (cupcakes -- hopefully). We asked two local wedding planners to share some of the biggest Baltimore wedding trends they've been noticing lately. -- Sarah...