By Jill Rosen
The Baltimore Sun
6:30 AM EDT, September 28, 2011
This week I started a new book and before I'd made it past the introduction, I was already in tears.
The book was about coping with the grief of losing a pet. I can barely handle it on paper. I can't even imagine what it will feel like in real life.
But that's what Jon Katz's new book is all about -- helping people like me, those who love their furry ones dearly -- find peace when they go. Katz wrote the book, called "Going Home: Finding Peace When Pets Die," after he lost his beloved border collie Orson, the dog he credits with changing his life, and helping him realize he wanted to write about animals.
After books including "A Dog Year," "Izzy and Lenore" and "Rose in a Storm," Katz has earned a reputation as one of the more eloquent dog writers around. In a world polluted with way too many dog books without soul or style, Katz is the real thing. Which is why I was eager to read his take on losing a pet -- even though I knew it wouldn't be an easy read.
The book was released Tuesday.
I wanted to share with you part of a Q & A I just found where Reuters reporter Zorianna Kit interviews Katz.
Q: What was the biggest surprise for you in researching books about pets and grieving?
A: "I found that almost every book had to do with the afterlife. Not a single book said, 'This is what is known about things that will help you grieve.' So I started talking to vets and psychologists and gathering information and interviewing maybe 200 different people about what was helpful to them."
Q: And what did you find?
A: "People need to bring rituals into grieving. Memorial services, remembrances, pictures -- those are concrete things that make grieving tangible. The Internet offers all kinds of opportunities for this like making digital albums and Facebook pages. People used to have to hide grief. You couldn't go to your boss and say, 'I need a week off, my cat died.' You probably still can't, but you do need to say, 'I'm having a tough time.'"
Q: No doubt your own personal experience went in to this.
A: "I'm one of those people who has always struggled with emotions and revealing them. When my dog Orson died, I did this very male thing of 'It's just a dog and I'll just move on.' I was very slow to grasp the emotion. But Orson is the reason I started writing about dogs. He's the first (dog) book I wrote and HBO did a movie about him ("A Dog Year"). Writing this book inspired me to go back and look at the impact of his loss and on my life, as well as other dogs that I've lost."
Q: You ended up putting Orson down. How does one deal with the guilt of making such a decision?
A: "It's important to remember that the animals are not grieving with us. They're very accepting. They're not lying there thinking 'How could you do this to me? Why aren't you keeping me going?' Pets don't do the human things of guilt and anger and recrimination that we do. They come and go with great acceptance.
"One idea that I advocate is the dealing with guilt directly. Acknowledge the good life, remember the good things you did with your pet -- the places you took them, the affection you showed them. Remind those who have lost a pet that they generally gave their pets a good life and that's a good thing, so don't forget that."
Q: Is there any way to prepare for a pet's death?
A: "If you're going to love animals and have a life with them, the odds are you're going to lose them. It's helpful when you get a dog to accept the fact that this dog is not going to be with you your whole life."
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