Resident wants to 'give back' to strip club

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Dear Amy: I live in a community that has one gentlemen's club. This club is an upscale, classy strip club with award-winning food.

This business really takes care of the local residents and members of the community — from contributing to schools to supporting food pantries. It is the only stip club that has been allowed to remain in our community, and that's because it's not your "normal" kind of club. It's really a cut above, and that's why we allow it to be here.

For instance, every year they offer free flu shots to seniors, accompanied by a free buffet (their menu is not cheap).

My husband and I would like to bring them something this year to show thanks, but we don't know what would be appropriate to convey to all employees how much we appreciate them.

They contribute so much! Any thoughts?

— Grateful Residents

Dear Grateful: I'm going to leap right over any suggestion of tips slipped into G-strings and suggest that the "classiest" thing to do is to write a letter to the management, asking them to share it with their staff. In this letter you will thank them for hours of high-class enjoyment, award-winning food and contributions to the community.

This will prove to the establishment that they have successfully paid off the community and will encourage them to continue — which will in turn guarantee that they will continue to corner the market share of high-class entertainment in your town.

I know — I'm such a cynic.

Dear Amy: My parents are both in late 70s. Their health is getting bad. There is a dark secret in the household. At least once a week my father gets falling-down intoxicated. This upsets my mother. Everyone thinks they are a very happy couple.

I worry that if something happens to mother and he is needed he cannot help her. I think they should separate and let him continue to keep his dirty little secret.

— Upset Child

Dear Upset: If you are worried that your mother won't have anyone to help in case of an emergency, then encouraging your parents to separate doesn't seem a wise choice — unless she could live with a responsible family member.

You are obviously very upset — for good reason. The way to channel your concern is to lift this secret out of the dark and do your best to shed light on the problem in a way that is constructive.

You (and siblings, if you have them) should acknowledge this to one another and to your father. Tell him you are worried about his alcohol use. He might be able to modulate this somewhat on his own, or he might need professional help.

You should look into getting a "medical alert" panic button your mother can use if she or your father has an emergency. This could be a lifesaver.

Dear Amy: I agree with "Upset Reader" that you owe an apology to "Shocked," who asked a question about two women who wore white to a wedding. I shared the letter and your response with several people, and we all felt that she was merely asking a question and that the only thing that was "rude and unkind" was your response.

Why do you suppose so many people felt that way and yet you only defended your response? We all think you totally read something into her question that was not there and answered very unkindly.

— Still Wondering

Dear Still: What I responded to was a tone — but also a judgment by "Shocked" that two guests wearing white to a wedding constituted a crime so wrong as to be labeled "shocking" and "horrifying" and worthy of tableside gossip at the reception.

"Shocked" didn't really have a question. She wanted me to agree that this fashion choice was wrong and possibly a deliberate attempt by these guests to upstage the bride. It seems to me that weddings should represent a peaceful and joyful merging of different points of view, but so often these events are preceeded by discord and followed by gossip.

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