Ellen Gamerman Q&A

In 2003, she spent nine months inside Leisure World, a seniors-only community in Silver Spring, learning about what it means to grow old. She chose to tell the story of three residents and obtained permission to document their day-to-day lives. She observed them in their homes, on errands, at doctor's appointments, at their monthly ballroom dances. She even joined a widow's dates with her boyfriend and a married couple's cruise vacation.

As a result, Gamerman was present during every scene described in this six-part series except one. The scene she did not observe first-hand -- in the emergency room at Montgomery General Hospital -- was reconstructed through interviews and is clearly attributed to the memories of the people involved.

All direct quotes in the story were heard by Gamerman; descriptions of what people thought or felt are based on what they said at the time or what they told her in interviews later. During the course of her reporting, Gamerman also reviewed private letters, an audiotaped memoir and home movies.

How did you choose who to write about?

I chose Leisure World because it surprised me -- it was another country to me, a place that was funny and heartbreaking and unusual. It offered a window into the part of old age that is less familiar -- not the often-tragic end of life, but that middle stage that now stretches on for years and years, where people glimpse the end but don't necessarily live right up next to it.

Many elderly wouldn't dream of living in a separate retirement community, no matter their circumstances. This series is not about them. Leisure World appealed to me because it offered a large pool of people to interview -- a big population of potential subjects for the story -- and it allowed me to write about the distinct subculture of a community dominated by the elderly.

Senior citizens could do a lot worse than live in a place like Leisure World, where most residents are physically independent and financially stable. There are many important stories to be written about aging, including pieces about the failure of the medical system to provide for less privileged seniors and the ways that poverty compounds the problems of old age. I knew in focusing on Leisure World I wouldn't tell those stories. But I hoped the specific experiences of a few people at Leisure World would reveal something universal about the emotional, physical and psychological experience of growing old.

Why did you devote six days and so much space to this story?

I had read the statistics about the aging of America, but I didn't know what life was really like for the elderly, and it seemed important to tell that story since the country's demographics are fast approaching those of Florida today. What could be learned by studying people in the last stage of their lives? The series was an attempt to show those lives, rather than summarize them.

What has been the reader interest and reaction?

Since the story started, I've received phone calls, letters and more than 100 emails from readers, including a few from people who said they were moved to write to the newspaper for the first time. Reactions to the narrative style of the story, as well as the content, have run the gamut. Some people found the series helpful and revealing; others called it overly sentimental and depressing. Some people saw themselves or their relatives in the stories and said it reflected an experience they recognized or a time of life they wanted to think more about. Others didn't see the value in devoting so much space to the stories of a few people and would have preferred a long look at a broader subject such as health care, or a series on a different group of people altogether. Here are excerpts from two diametrically opposed emails:

"So fervently I fight each birthday, as it brings me closer to the age that I do not want to reach. I have taken it to the point that I refuse to accept the fact that my parents truly are aging and have issues that I should attend to. This is helping me to accept the fact that it's okay to age and that one can age gracefully and still with a zest for life."

Someone else wrote: "I am 70 years old and responsible for the care of my 76-year-old incapacitated husband and am thoroughly aware of the problems and degradations of old age. -- (To) base a series which purports to illuminate old age on a small group of pathetic and frivolous people living in a community which seems to be a cross between Purgatory and Disney World is misleading, to say the least."

How did the people you wrote about react to the series?

It's shocking to see your life in the newspaper, but Ben and Florence Oliver and Helen McKay and her boyfriend Peter have responded positively to the series. Ben said he found it fascinating to see an outsider's take on his life and that he thought the series was accurate. He also read lighter passages to his wife, Florence, who apparently found those selected parts "amusing." Helen said she did not regret sharing her life in this way and she hoped that people would find her plucky outlook inspiring -- an antidote to what's often sad about growing old. Peter liked the stories and talked to Helen about them most every night this week. These people all knew the content of the stories before the series ran and understood that this material would appear in the paper. There were some elements that they felt -- or that I felt -- were too personal. Those details were omitted from the series.

Why would you focus on a woman who is having an affair with a married man?

I was interested in Helen's situation because I heard about this kind of arrangement often during the course of my reporting -- Helen and Peter are not the only ones in this situation. Their relationship showed how messy this stage of life can be, how choices aren't easy for many people, how some seniors believe the rules change a bit when dealing with illness and an uncertain future. I did not want to glorify or condemn the affair, but tell the truth of it. I also knew that the example of Ben and Florence's half-century marriage was not universal, and I wanted to talk about the other bonds that form in old age.

Why didn't you focus on people in their 80s with active lifestyles as a way of inspiring readers?

I didn't start my reporting by looking for a particular kind of senior citizen, just one whose life would make a good story. In this series, I wanted to show the elderly confronting the challenges of age and using all their resources to get by. I was looking for subjects who were introspective, whose lives readers would find interesting. Though they are in their 70s, not their 80s, Helen McKay and Ben Oliver are working hard to stay active despite their age and health problems, and I found something inspiring in their lives, their love of ballroom dancing, their commitments to their friends and family. But you're right, there are lots of great stories out there, and many that I was not able to tell.

How did you convince people to write about their private lives in intimate detail?

I could only write about people who would allow me a lot of access -- not everyone would agree to that. I made it clear at the beginning what I hoped the stories would achieve, how much time I wanted to spend with the main subjects, how much entrée I hoped to have to their world. It was intense for them, knowing that I was there taking notes while they ate dinner or talked to a friend or listened to a doctor. Ben Oliver was very protective of his wife, Florence, and made sure that I was not around in ways that would upset her -- I tended to stay away during most early mornings, for example, since she needed her privacy then. She recognized me over the visits and seemed to get used to me, even though we often had to explain again at the start of each visit why I was there.

The story ends in September. How are Ben and Florence Oliver and Helen McKay and Peter doing now?

Ben Oliver says his wife's bad days are slowly outnumbering the good, health-wise, but he also thinks that she and the professional caregiver are working out a more comfortable rapport than they first had. The caregiver still comes twice a week, and Ben usually skips out for several hours on those days, taking care of his own errands and giving himself a break. Not long ago, Kathy Oliver spoke for the first time with her father about investigating nursing home options for Florence, a step Ben is open to, but one he told her he will take only after his wife stops recognizing him.

Helen McKay and Peter went to a Valentine's Day dance recently and continue to meet for their regular dates. She got a second opinion from another doctor about her back, which still bothers her, but she is going to the Leisure World gym every day and trying to get stronger. She looks forward to moving into her new home at the Overlook in the spring.