"TV is a vast wonderland. There's no place like TV. Except for HBO, it's not TV."
That was the opening lyric sung by Jane Lynch, and it left me ice cold. It didn't work as a show tune, and it failed worse in its attempt to cut it as both salute and irony.
Lynch is pumped on an adrenaline, and cannot find the right voice for music or comedy. This Fox telecast could make for a long night, and might be really tired of her by the start of the late news.
Baltimore native Julie Bowen, of "Modern Family," won the first Emmy of the night -- for best supporting actress in a comedy.
"Oh my god. Oh my god. Are you kidding me? I don't know what I'm going to talk about in therapy next week. I actually won something," Bowen said onstage.
She offered special thanks to her "two husbands -- Ty Burrell, my TV husband, and my real husband, Scott Phillips. Happy anniversary, honey."
Bowen was up last year for the same award, but did not win. This is her first Emmy.
(See my post-telecast piece on Bowen here.)
Who is doing the audio for this Fox telecast? It's awful -- up and down, in and out.
Burrell won the next Emmy of the night, for best supporting actor in a comedy series. His speech was longer than Bowen's, and I am not quite sure what he was trying to say. But it had a lot to do with gender.
And the third Emmy goes to...
Michael Spiller for his directing on "Modern Family." If the show ends now, the ABC sitcom has had a great night already. Three for three.
Wow, four-for-four -- the Emmy for best writing for a comedy went to Steve Levitan and Jeffrey Richman of "Modern Family."
This is the best comedy on network television, but this is an outrageous start for any show.
Backstage. AP is reporting "that a taped comedy routine by Alec Baldwin for the show was cut from the telecast because it contained a joke about the News Corp. phone hacking scandal."
According to AP: "The actor was to be part of an opening video for Sunday night's ceremony airing on Fox, a News Corp.-owned network. But he tweeted before the awards that the network had killed his joke about the hacking scandal in Britain involving the now-closed News of the World tabloid. Fox said it believed the joke was inappropriate to make in light of an issue being taken very seriously by the company."
After the first commercial break, Lynch greeted viewers saying, "Welcome back to the 'Modern Family' awards." Lynch was up against Bowen, by the way, and Lynch was the favorite to win.
Charlie Sheen came on as a presenter and said, "From the bottom of my heart I wish you nothing but the best from this upcoming season. We spent eight wonderful years together and I know you will continue to make great television."
He acted like it was big moment.
Who cares? It meant nothing. Sheen is a fool. Will someone tell me why anyone pays attention to him? Really. I don't care about his "redemption tour" nonsense.