The first question Dick Cheney is asked in "The World According to Dick Cheney" is: What's your favorite virtue?
"Integrity," he answers.
What do you value most in your friends?" he's asked in follow-up.
"Honesty," he says through those crooked, snarly, cartoon-character lips.
Documentary filmmaker R. J. Cutler then spends most of the next 89 minutes in this documentary that premieres Friday night on Showtime chronicling what a deadly and destructive liar the former vice president of the United States has been throughout his career.
At about 65 minutes in, viewers are shown image after image and sound bite after sound bite of Cheney lying, lying and then lying some more about weapons of mass destruction in Iraq and how the safety of America was tied to the imperative of invading that country.
Now, after 4488 military deaths in Iraq, we know what a pack and a half of lies that was.
But guess what? Cheney isn't one bit repentant or even self-reflective about all the damage he did to this country with his Iago-like scheming during the administration of the empty-headed and mostly-out-to-lunch George W. Bush
At the end of 90 minutes, you can't help but think Cheney gave Cutler a long sit-down interview for the film so that he could use it to spit in the face of his critics one last time. And he does just that, lying to the end.
The final sequence shows him fishing out of a boat that another man rows for him.
"I don't lay awake nights thinking, 'Gee, what are they going to say about me now,'" Cheney says in voiceover. "I didn't worry about it a lot when I was doing it, and I thought the best way to get on with my life and my career was to do what I thought was right. I did what I did and it's all part of the public record, and I feel very good about it. If I had to do it over again, I'd do it in a minute."
Those are the final words of the film.
Of course, it's not "all part of the public record." This guy specialized in dark deeds that he hoped would never be known. Did anyone ever explain that mysterious fire in his vice presidential office?
Here's the bottom line on "The World According to Dick Cheney" and Cutler: The veteran filmmaker delivered an outstanding work of non-fiction that instantly jumps Showtime into a league with HBO in documentary excellence. No doubt about it.
But as fine a work as it is and as many lies as Cutler's film skillfully exposes, his film is going to satisfy almost no one. I know that, because it left me monumentally dissatisfied.
On this blog, I have endlessly called for down-the-middle, even-handed, non-partisan journalism. I am totally committed to that value -- even as it makes enemies on the right and the left.
Intellectually, I know I should want the same approach to documentary filmmaking. I know that's logical and righteous.
But I have to be honest. I wanted this film to nail Cheney to the wall, nail after nail after nail until he was nothing but bloody indentations without one moment of relief.
And, truth be told, I wanted even more. I wanted to see or hear some sense of him standing over a wash basin at 2 a.m. in a cold sweat, compulsively washing and re-washing hands moaning, "Out, out damned spot...All the perfume in Arabia...." I wanted to see the gods punishing him like the MacBeths.
I wanted to hear Cheney acknowledge all the American blood he and Bush and his great mentor and pal, Donald Rumsfeld, caused to be shed in Iraq -- and the way that war and other reckless actions from this trio all but bankrupted this nation.