'Real Housewives of Potomac' recap: Things are picking up ... maybe

For The Baltimore Sun

After last week’s episode of “The Real Housewives of Potomac,” I said I wanted more a la Reese Witherspoon screaming in her car in “Big Little Lies.” This week I can say, we took some baby steps.

Gizelle’s mom visits from Houston. Gizelle says when her parents divorced, her mom moved back to Houston and that “she’s probably had her “How Stella Got Her Groove Back’ moment, one or two or three.” Gizelle’s mom knows Kevin, the man Gizelle is seeing, and they all have lunch together. Gizelle can’t believe how perfect Kevin is but she’s concerned the “body is buried somewhere and she needs to find the cemetery.” She’s the queen of one-liners.

Karen is having difficulty letting go of her house. She and her husband, #BlackBillGates, goe out for dinner. They talk about Karen’s first marriage — she was married in her early 20s and had her son Brandon, but her current husband helped raise him. She gets teary and emotional. They start slow dancing in the restaurant where there wasn’t a dance floor. So they were just dancing in between two tables. Hey, sometimes you just gotta dance.

Later Karen goes to lunch with her son. She complains that the waiters won’t pour her water, which she’s accustomed to. Eye roll. They order calamari and it looks beautiful. Karen rags on her son for not seeing her for a few months, saying “It took me 11 hours to bring you into the world and three months to get this lunch.” Great line.

Robyn goes to her parents house and they talk about her relationship with Juan, because that’s all Robyn’s storyline is — her relationship with Juan.

Former Terp Juan Dixon to be next men's basketball coach at Coppin State »

Charrisse is planning her daughter’s Sweet 16; more on that later. At the end of the episode, we see Charrisse FaceTiming with her therapist to discuss what is going on between her and her husband, Eddie. I felt for Charrisse, and I like these vulnerable moments with the housewives — even though it’s at their expense.

Monique is back from Alabama and is looking for houses in Potomac because they are outgrowing their 10,000-square-foot home. Side eye emoji. However, Monique wants to move because the school districts are better in Maryland. As a product of Montgomery County Public Schools, I can I subjectively say Maryland schools are better. The house that they look at has a rustic vibe to it. The island in the kitchen is the size of a king side bed. At one point, Monique says “material things mean nothing to me but they are nice to have.” Yet, you say your 10,000-square-foot house is too small.

Ashley comes over to Charrisse’s house and offers to cater the Sweet 16 with food from her restaurant. Charrisse is hesitant because the food is bizarre, but she believes in supporting small businesses, so that’s nice. They talk about whether Charrisse’s soon-to-be ex husband will show up to the party. Charrisse says that since Eddie is paying for the Sweet 16, he might as well be invited.

Then Monique comes over a they talk about how she wants to have more kids. They discuss the “pulling out method” as a form of birth control, which we know from last season that Ashley is a fan of. While this scene was going on, Robyn tweeted “Not so fast @_AshleyDarby. The pullout method produced my two boys.” And that is sex education brought to you by the ladies of Potomac.

They also talk about Monique’s mother-in-law and the wonderful petty comments. Ashley brought up how Gizelle wasn’t happy with Monique bragging about her houses. Ugh Ashley, stirring the pot. Regarding people judging her, Monique says “it takes a lot to be Mrs. Monique Samuels.” (In case anyone was wondering, it doesn’t take a lot to be Jessica Evans.) Ashley plans a hookah night because the girls need to unwind.

Oh-em-gee, it’s time for Skylar’s Sweet 16. As we all assumed, no one is eating the candied bacon Ashley brought, and she remarks that if no one is eating that, certainly no one will eat the kangaroo sliders. Gee, wonder why? The dress code for guests is all white, as Skylar wore a pink dress. Apparently Ashley missed the memo and wore a blue dress.

Speaking of Ashley missing the memo, Ashley is really eager to meet Eddie. Like overly eager. It’s strange, and she doesn’t get that Charrisse doesn’t want to introduce her. Later, Charrisse presents Skylar with a check that is going toward a trip to Tahiti.

I don’t think I went to a Potomac Sweet 16 party back in my day, but I’ve been to my fair share of Potomac bar and bat mitzvahs, and I’d say Skylar’s party was pretty on par — maybe even less extravagant — than than ones I attended.

Next, the ladies have a girls’ night out at a hookah bar. Karen talks about how she’s pretty much above everyone else because she won’t smoke. Karen tells Monique that at first she didn’t like her because she was rapping at the Willard across the street from the White House, but then things changed. Monique name drops and says “maybe I’ll rap for Obama the next time I see him.” She continues the not-so-humble brag by talking about how down-to-earth the former first family is and how Obama loves her husband.

Then they discuss the Sweet 16 and how nosy Ashley is about wanting to meet Eddie. Ashley claims that she’s good friends with Charrisse so it’s natural for her to want to meet her friend’s husband. But the thing is, Ashley, that Charrisse and Eddie aren’t even talking to each other and “husband” is a loose term. Ashley compares Eddie to Big Foot and how it was a rare sighting. (I also would like to point out that Ashley was the only other housewife at the Sweet 16. Where were the others? Were they not invited?)

Then an argument begins about how Gizelle wasn’t happy that Monique was bragging about her houses, dropping names all night, and brought a $250 bottle of wine to hookah night. Basically, they argue a lot and eventually Monique said she’ll try to be more self-aware. They think it’s resolved, but us “Housewives” fans know better — it’s sure to come up later.

Next week, we find out that Juan might be seeing another woman. Like I said before, we are taking baby steps to the “more.”

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