'Real Housewives of Potomac' recap: Off to the races at Preakness

For The Baltimore Sun

Remember in college when the subject of your paper was boring so it was difficult to write? Well that’s what it is like writing this recap of this week’s “Real Housewives of Potomac.”

This episode we got to know Monique, the newest housewife, a little better. We were introduced to her and her husband Chris, a former Washington Redskins player (#HTTR), last week.

This week, Monique and Chris went to Alabama because Chris was being inducted into the Alabama Sports Hall of Fame. We saw Monique pack for the trip in her room, which is bigger than my apartment and her closet is longer than the avenue I live on. Her bedroom has a fish tank in it, and very heavy furniture.

We also met Jill, Monique’s assistant who looks JUST like Soshana from “Girls,” and Monique’s friend Gigi, who you can tell is DYING to be a housewife. She kept laughing at EVERYTHING Monique was saying while she was packing, and it wasn’t that funny. She’ll be a side player of the series like the morally corrupt Faye Resnick from Beverly Hills.

Monique says the three most important people in her life are God, Chris and her children, in that order. It seems like other housewives put their children before their husbands. We learn that Monique does not have a great relationship with her mother-in-law. In the beginning, they got along great, but when Monique became closer with Chris, his mom felt threatened that Monique was stealing him away.

I thought Monique was exaggerating, but when the entire family went out to dinner after the Hall of Fame ceremony, the mother-in-law was so nasty toward Monique. Basically she doesn’t like that Monique doesn’t work and was very vocal about it. Mother Samuels would make snarky comments to the man sitting next to her. For example, Monique was talking about how she wants more kids and the mom whispered, “She better think about who is paying for those babies.” So much shade. Then when they were leaving she said to someone, “Didn’t I get that heifer straight?” I mean, that is rude.

Other notable events:

  • The ladies go to the Preakness, the Triple Crown horse race/Maryland tradition. I’m ashamed to say I’m a Marylander who use to ride horses and has never been to Preakness. Gizelle wins $3,000 on a horse, but more importantly, Charrisse and Gizelle reconcile. Also, in Ashley’s side interview, she said Gizelle is probably jealous of Monique.
  • Karen’s daughter returns from college to visit. Rayvin discusses sorority life and THON, a fundraiser for families impacted by childhood cancer. Rayvin says that at THON she had to eat a cheesesteak, and Karen is appalled that she would eat that. Um, cheesesteaks are amazing so please don’t hate. Karen doesn’t disclose where Rayvin attends school but she mentioned THON and cheesesteak so maybe Penn State or UPenn? I shall investigate and report back next week.
  • Charrisse is redesigning her house. She wants to turn her study into a champagne room. Side-eye emoji. She does demolition in her kitchen and study, and I was very jealous.

Closing thoughts:

“The Real Housewives of Potomac” aka the DMV doesn’t feel organic and I’m becoming disinterested in their storylines. Robyn, we get it, you’re unsure what your relationship status is with Juan. Charrisse, we get it, you’re a new woman and you love champagne. Ashley, we get it, you want a baby but your restaurant is failing. Gizelle, we get it, you want to find a man. Karen, we get it, you’re a queen among peasants.

I know I’m being harsh and I know that this is what is really important to these women at this time. I’m not trying to discredit their lives, but like Reese Witherspoon in “Big Little Lies” screaming in her car that she wants more, I want more from these housewives. They have the personalities and the ambition to be great, they’re just coming up short. But alas, it’s only Episode 3 and we have a long ride ahead of us. I can’t wait for them to pick up the speed and soar full throttle, just like the horses at Preakness.

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