Because two hours of auditions last night weren't enough, the "America's Got Talent" season 7 premiere continued into Tuesday night.
Tonight, we're in San Francisco, so naturally Nick Cannon has to introduce the show by yelling atop the Golden Gate Bridge (last night, he yelled ferociously atop a desert mesa).
San Francisco Auditions
First up: David and the CMYK's, an aptly named group. They somehow manage to break dance to some Mozart while beautifully painting a huge canvas with the composer's face. "I am the most popular judge, so I thought you were painting me," says Howard Stern, who, of the judges, gets the most screen time and knows it.
The audience gives them a standing ovation right away and David and the CMYK's go through to the next round in Las Vegas.
Later, we meet 17-year-old Cristin Sandu. He's a "balancer" and I don't have much hope for him; balancing just sounds kind of lame. I spoke too soon. Sandu stacks a bunch of large metal tubes on a table, some right side up and some sideways so they look like they're just going to roll right off the table.
Not only does Cristin stack six or seven of these tubes, he hoists himself up and stands on top of them. Watching him is so stressful it makes me want to pull my hair out, but I just can't look away. The judges, especially Sharon, are terrified and amazed. Cristin makes it through to Vegas, of course.
An 80-year-old grandma inches on stage using a walker and tells everyone she's going to teach us about family values. Cue the eye-rolls. But Grandma G. surprises us by rapping an original song called "Horny Boys." It's hilarious and strangely admirable. She gets three yeses.
After the break, we meet a man named Kotton Kandy, who is dressed as a Vegas showgirl and lives by the mantra, "If you like me, you like me, and if you don't, get over it." None of the judges do like him or his weird dance moves, but Nick Cannon really seems to. He joins Kotton onstage for an intense dance duet that ultimately accomplishes nothing -- the judges still won't put him through to Vegas.
An extreme contortionist dancer named Turf was the clear favorite of the night. Few words could describe how awesome he was. At one point I thought he was actually somehow floating in the air while dancing, but nope. He's just amazing. Even Howard was at a loss for words. "I got one word: 'yes,'" he said when it was his turn to comment.
More acts going to Vegas: Lisa Clark dancers, a dance troupe specializing in all types of dance; a magician and his piano-playing partner; an impressive 14-year-old singer; a cool-guy juggler; a comedic impressionist; a keyboardist/singer; two more dance crews; a stand-up comedian; a country music band; and a deceptive janitor whose broom and dustpan are actually musical instruments that he plays beautifully.
More notable failures: A trumpet-playing, bicycling man dressed a chicken; some elderly fire dances; a few suitcase-instrument players; a dog who rides around on a mini horse; and a singing man dressed as an alien to whom Howard said, "The moment I saw you, I knew I was going to hate you."
Biggest tearjerker moment of the episode: Luiz Meneghin, who auditioned in San Francisco, is an amazing opera singer, a male nurse who sings to his patients, an immigrant from a poor family in Brazil and his father recently passed away. Sharon and Howie tear up when Luiz sings and Howard claims he has been converted to an opera fan because of Luiz's emotion.