'The Real Housewives of Orange County' recap: Episode 5, 'He Said What?'

This week’s episode is all about the fallout from Slade’s comedic debut at the Improv, in which he skewered Tamra and Vicki. Bravo named the episode “He Said What?” only because Andy Cohen couldn’t decide how to spell “Oh, No He Diiin’t!”

The only non-Slade-related scene involved Alexis freaking out at her plastic surgeon’s office during her consultation for a nose job. Apparently, Alexis has not been able to breathe for the last three years and this proved an opportune reason to get the bump she hates sanded out. Despite the obvious electiveness of her surgery, Alexis is brought to tears at the prospect of going under anesthesia. Even the doctor is confused by her issue saying, “My God, girl. you’re just getting a nose job!” (Read: “At least I’m not being sued like that hack Terry Dubrow!”)

As silly as Alexis’ issue is, it’s the only reprieve from Slade-gate. For the other women, it was their only topic of conversation:

Gretchen, of real estate/personal training/makeup retail/handbag design/iTunes song fame, is none too pleased with the rift that Slade’s “comedy” has caused and advises him to pick one career he’s interested in and stay focused on that.

Over lunch, Heather “Diabolical Genius” Dubrow suggests to Tamra the war strategy she invented called “Kill ‘Em with Kindness,” and Tamra is all for it. She even invites Slade to her Bunco party with all the other men.

Vicki plays six degrees of separation when discussing Briana’s health issues. She goes from worrying about her daughter to Slade in just three degrees: Worrying about Briana = not eating = still not skinny compared to the other girls = she is not considered attractive by Slade.

In honor of Tamra’s ‘80s-themed Bunco party, tonight we have ‘80s themed superlatives!

Karma Chameleon: Gretchen

Gretchen defends Slade to Vicki, but not to Tamra. She’ll get in a screaming match with Vicki about Slade not paying child support, but with Tamra she agrees to kick him in the left testicle and let Tamra kick him in the right. No wonder everyone is so confused about her loyalties and motives.

We Are the World: Tamra

She has the best of intentions while planning to kill her enemies with kindness … too bad we believe the "kill" more than the "kindness."

Livin’ on a Prayer: Alexis

Whether it’s Bunco dice or a cosmetic nose job masquerading as a health issue, you have a problem? Alexis has the prayer.

True Colors: Vicki

For six seasons, Vicki has irritated me. Sometimes mildly, sometimes greatly, but I’ve always given her a pass because she has been in a terribly unhappy relationship. This season, she is finally in a self-described happy and healthy relationship. Yet she still gets on my nerves. Maybe it wasn’t Vicki’s circumstances – maybe it’s just Vicki.

Next week’s episode should be much more interesting and eventful. We were teased this week when Slade arrives at Bunco, and then the show is over. We see in the previews that this is the precise moment when all hell breaks loose - the yelling begins and the tears start flowing.  Now it’s a party!

Which ‘80s memory did the Housewives trigger for you tonight? Tell me in the comments below and be sure to follow me on Twitter @MutesVoice.

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