'The Real Housewives of Orange County' recap: Episode 2

Tonight’s episode starts on an odd note with Vicki asking the kitchen staff – again! - if she can “help with anything.” She ended last week’s episode with this question, which, for one TV Lust reader, made her a nominee for Class Clown. By repeating the ridiculously rhetorical question, Vicki overthrows Tamra and wins the title by a landslide.

The Twilight Zone vibe continues as more guests arrive and Gretchen and Vicki hug very genuinely. Then, Vicki and Alexis hug as if they actually like each other. What is going on?! Never fear, Tamra soon arrives in a tacky satin jumpsuit, Peggy and Alexis do the awkward one-arm hug and all is right with the world.

I still don’t know what to make of our newcomer, Heather Dubrow. I always feel for the new cast members and I want to like her, but seriously? Wake me when she gets interesting. All she has going for her right now is her real estate. Whenever she mentions her four children, she always has to say that her fourth child was a surprise. I don’t get it - does she just want the world to know that her husband’s Cialis finally kicked in?

At the end of the party, Peggy, in her quest for airtime, fake-cries to Vicki and Tamra about the tension between her and Alexis. Peggy, please - you don’t care that you and Alexis aren’t friends anymore – and psst … you instigated the whole thing!Alexis pulls the smartest, realest move of the episode (and perhaps in Housewife history) by politely declining to speak to Peggy in the limo after the party. 

Later, we find out that Gretchen has designed a handbag for breast cancer awareness month. Just before her photo shoot to promote the bag, we also find out that Gretchen … well, let’s just say she puts the “real” in Reality TV when she goes without makeup.

When Tamra and Eddie double date with Vicki and Brooks on a trip to Catalina, four happy people board the ferry.  A few drinks later and Vicki has been PDA’d by someone other than Brooks while Brooks gets a handful of somethin’ somethin’ that ain’t Vicki.  End result: Four unhappy people exit the ferry.  Which leads us to tonight’s superlatives:

Creepiest Couple: Tamra and Eddie

Is it normal to hold hands, whisper such sweet nothings as “Kiss my ass” and “You’re psychotic” while simultaneously crying and smiling for the cameras?

Most Insincere Compliment: Heather

Heather is one of few people who can turn “you’re so cute” into an insult.

Most Mangled Metaphor: Gretchen

“You can’t take the trailer out of the trash. Whatever. Or the trash out of the trailer – what’s that saying?  I don’t know.”

Most Likely to be President

As the O-est of Gs, Vicki is the reigning Queen Bee, but Gretchen is the master of “keep your friends close and your enemies closer,” and both are hustlers. Vicki is likable (when she wants to be) but Gretchen is the life of the party. They both could rule the free world! It’s a toss-up for me – what do you think?  Cast your vote in the comments below and be sure to follow me on Twitter @MutesVoice.

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