Last night’s "Real Housewives of Beverly Hills" was, in a word, boring. Reminiscent of the season premiere, it was a whole lot of polite arguing over a whole bunch of nothing.
Before we jump into the “drama” that went down at circus school, here’s what else we saw this week:
In arguably the most interesting scene of the week, Brandi and Carlton head to Trashy Lingerie to do some shopping. I’m guessing this isn’t Brandi’s first visit, since she’s dressed in what appears to be bedroom attire for the occasion. These two troublemakers have become fast friends, and seem to genuinely enjoy each other’s company. Like, really enjoy. As Brandi tells us in an interview clip, “I’m not not a lesbian.”
But Brandi’s also still looking for a man, and to that end, Carlton suggests a visualization ceremony in which she writes a list of all the qualities she’s looking for in a partner and then buries the list with a crystal. Because magic. And what’s on Brandi’s list? He’s five-eight years older than her, he's at least 5’-9” and she “wouldn’t mind a big penis.” Until her dream man shows up, though, Brandi seems pretty happy hanging with Carlton.
Meanwhile, Kyle and Mauricio have lunch with Joyce and her husband, Michael. This lunch date is really just an excuse for Kyle to tell us again that tabloids lie and her husband is definitely not cheating on her. The lady doth protest a lot.
Ken surprises Lisa with an adorable new puppy. Lisa is delighted, but diva Giggy isn’t too thrilled. This is the fifth puppy to join the Vanderpump household, leaving me wondering why we only ever see Giggy on camera. Must be in his contract.
Oh, and Yolanda’s daughters go shopping in their mother’s incredible closet.
All the rest of the action goes down during and immediately after the women visit Cirque School.
Kim, in an effort to be shown on screen doing something other than corralling her giant dog, has planned a day of aerial bonding to help ease tensions in the group. But trouble begins before the whole cast has even arrived, with Brandi announcing to Kim that she won’t be speaking to Kyle after being harassed by paparazzi in front of her children over Kyle calling her a bully.
Kim tries to keep things sunny, waiting until everyone is present to practically beg these grown women to put their issues aside for a few hours and have fun. No such luck. On the contrary, Kim’s speech angers Yolanda, who doesn’t like to be told how to behave. Kim calls Yolanda rude, and then it’s time to start tumbling.
Brandi swings on the trapeze while Lisa makes out-loud remarks about how promiscuous Brandi is. To her credit, Brandi takes these in stride. Or maybe she’s just too busy being ticked off at Kyle — it doesn’t take long for Brandi to bring up the bullying thing again, this time to Lisa. Yolanda chimes in that bullying isn’t an appropriate word for adults to throw around (avid "Real Housewives" fans will remember that this conversation has already been had on the "Orange County" franchise). Then Kyle comes over and denies calling Brandi a bully in the first place.
So circus school is pretty much a bust, with tempers flaring left and right all day. Finally, Yolanda peaces out to help prep her daughters for prom, but for some unfathomable reason, the rest of the women think it’s a good idea to go grab a bite to eat together. This is when the episode really breaks down into sheer tedium.
Kyle starts in immediately about Yolanda’s attitude. Brandi suggests that they wait until Yolanda is present to talk about her, which Kyle finds hypocritical given that Brandi was talking about her prior to her arrival at the circus school. This gets the whole did-Kyle-call-Brandi-a-bully conversation started again. Brandi thinks it must have come from someone in Kyle’s camp. Kyle says she doesn’t have a camp.
Then Lisa jumps in, saying Kyle could’ve made it all go away by tweeting that Brandi never bullied her. Kyle is flabbergasted that Lisa would think she has time to deal with this while also fighting those nasty infidelity rumors. Not to mention that Kyle is still mad that Brandi even brought up the cheating rumors at Carlton’s lunch.
And then Joyce pulls Lisa aside and lets her know that she thought Lisa was rude to her at Carlton’s lunch. She wants to tell Lisa “to her face” that she was offended by Lisa’s reaction to Joyce fixing Lisa’s hair. Um, what? Methinks someone wants some camera time. Lisa is as confused as I am.
It’s Carlton who says what we’re all thinking — this argument (much like the rest of the episode) is “bloody child’s play.”
Next week: Yolanda’s husband gets a star on the Walk of Fame. Kim’s daughter graduates. Carlton’s cats get acupuncture. More on Mauricio’s alleged affair. Brandi admits to a makeout session with Carlton.
Let’s look on the bright side: It can’t be worse than this week.