'Survivor: One World' recap: Episode 3, 'One World Is Out the Window'

In the previouslies, Jeff points out that the men have won all the challenges thus far. Yup, the women have really not been doing well at anything. Fingers crossed that this episode will change that? I can hope, right? (And it’s not that I’m all that big of a fan of Salani, it’s just downright embarrassing for them at this point.)

Once the women are back from Tribal Council, the men come over and invite them to their camp (the one with the tarps) because a nasty storm is coming in. The women claim that they will be fine, but they’ve obviously never camped during a storm. It sucks.

And since the women stayed in their miserable little camp, they got no sleep and are now even weaker than they were before. I would have taken the men up on their offer; acts of God are beyond the scope of the game. I must admit, I went winter camping with the Girl Scouts when I was about 8, where you literally dig a hole in the snow and make a tent with a tarp. I woke in the morning in the lodge, with no memory of getting up and carrying my sleeping bag the 200 feet. I probably would have ended up in the men’s camp the same way.

Everyone is getting along fairly well at the men’s camp, until Matt comes back and acts like a jerk. I knew one of them would ruin it.

Challenge time! This time it’s a memory game, which is a nice change of pace. Trash-talking Matt and Sabrina are first up, and Matt is wrong and Sabrina is right, so the women start with a lead. (It’s still raining, by the way; that must have been a miserable couple of days for the contestants.) The women are doing great until Kat’s turn, but she’s up against Troyzan, who is as bad at this as she is. It takes seven tries, but she finally gets it right. The women end up winning without the men even getting a single point. They win a full array of fishing supplies, including a canoe with paddles.

Back at camp, the women have to fix their fire. Again. Why can’t they manage to keep the fire going? The men can. So the women go to the men, again, and ask for an ember. Most of the guys are OK with it, as long as there is some reciprocation in the future, except for Matt, of course. (Or should I say most of the men were OK with it, because the women are about to burn through any goodwill the men had in 3..2..1..)

Alicia has the gall to question the men wanting to take their fishing boat out while she is warming herself by Manono’s fire. Geez, and this girl is a special education teacher? These women seem to have no social skills whatsoever. And then Chelsea and Alicia go back to their camp and completely blow the situation out of proportion by putting their own spin on the conversation. Gee, Chelsea, you want to have one fricken’ night where you aren’t soaking wet and can sleep? Then you should have won the challenge for the tarp, and perhaps learned how to keep a fricken’ fire going before you signed up for "Survivor."

And I don’t know who said, “We just girls, we’re not meant to be beaten down this well,” but I want to smack her. First of all, it's grammatically incorrect and makes no sense, and, second, did I mention that I camped in the snow when I was 8? Because I did, and I also portaged a canoe on my head when I was 11. And no one was offering me a chance to win $1 million, either. I’m sure every former female "Survivor" contestant also wants to smack this bunch of women. Buck up, ladies.

And now the women are going to try their hand at fishing. They catch three little fish, but it does wonders for their confidence (probably helps that it stopped raining). This is about the time I would be making really good friends with the sushi chef, in order to get the most out of those fish.

Immunity Challenge time! It’s the old sighted caller/blindfolded tribe. The women are very smart and pick Sabrina for their caller, who seems to be the only one of them who can communicate directly. Despite this, the women are not doing well, perhaps because Alicia and Kat are the first pair out. Bill is doing much better for the men. I like Bill. Once the men collect all their puzzle pieces, Bill sets out to solve the puzzle with a large lead. It’s a fairly complex puzzle, having to put pieces together to create foliage on a standing tree. 

And although they were hugely behind going into the puzzle part, the women apparently have mad puzzle skills, because they manage to pull out the win. The men finally have to go to Tribal Council. Let’s see if the Misfit Alliance can manage to blindside the pretty boys, especially Matt, who can’t wait to “execute” some of his power. I want to buy all of them a dictionary.

Back at Manono, Colton wants Bill gone, just because he doesn’t like him. Troyzan (I’ve gotten sucked into calling him that, I guess) suggests Matt instead. Can I suggest Jay instead? He bugs me, but at least he can do simple math (hi, Matt) and has figured out which way the wind is blowing, and joins with the Misfits instead.

Wow, the men don’t know what to do about voting someone off. Did they forget this was a part of the game? Matt manages to completely alienate the other men by referring to the pretty boys as the "roosters" while the rest of the men are all "chickens." He’s confident that he’s running the game. Oh, please, please let him be voted out tonight. The sour grapes will be awesome.

At Tribal Council, Jeff points out to Colton the stupidity of spending all his time at the women’s camp. And if he’s so confident about his alliance, then why is he talking about using the idol already? Matt makes a complete ass of himself, but I’ve come to expect that from him. And, dude, if you want people to take you seriously, stop using quasi-marketing speak like “diving deep” and “execute” because it makes you sound like an idiot. Bill is awesome some more; he knows he might be the one going home, but he’s just excited about the whole experience anyway.

Yay! I get my wish, and Matt goes home. Doesn’t matter how much you think you’re in charge if you don’t have the numbers to back it up. Also, most people don’t like it when you arrive in a group and assume you’re in charge because you think you’re better than everyone else.

Next week: Tarzan seems to go crazy, and Colton seems to go power-mad.

Credits: I don’t really get the sour grapes I was hoping for, although Matt does think that he was voted out because he was a threat, instead of because he’s an annoying jerk.

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