'Survivor: One World' recap: Episode 2, 'Total Dysfunction'

The producers named Episode 2 “Total Dysfunction.” And that about sums it up.

Michael tries to start out this episode on a better note, telling the girls that he watched their fire while they were at tribal council, but the women aren’t that impressed.

Alicia thinks that Christina made herself look crazy at tribal council. Does she not realize that Christina wasn’t the only one yelling? Alicia looks at least as crazy, if not more so. Alicia and Christina do that woman thing where they pretend to talk things out, and pretend that everything is OK, when it clearly is not. Alicia even offers a classic non-apology, “I’m sorry that’s how you feel.” But Alicia wants to keep Christina around a bit longer to help win challenges, since Nina “looks like a bag of rocks.”

The women decide to make Sabrina their leader, which she refers to as “leading the airheads.” This is not an untrue analogy, from what I’ve seen so far. Wow, Kat is not the sharpest knife in the drawer. She seems to be best buddies with Alicia, which puts both of them pretty far down on my list.

Treemail! Wow, Bill is a great treemail reader. Since there is so little to like about these contestants this season so far, he jumps to the top of my favorite list. It’s a do-it-yourself reward challenge (what, were the obstacle course people depressed after Kourtney broke her arm last week, and they needed a break?) The challenge consists of untying about a billion knots, and the men finish first and win a tarp.

Sabrina is disappointed, because they "needed a tarp like a fat kid needs cake.” So, you really don’t need a tarp, but have been mentally conditioned to believe that the tarp will bring you true happiness to fill the emptiness inside?

With tarp in hand, the men get a kick-ass camp building montage in which Colton is conspicuously absent. And the editors aren’t the only ones who have noticed. The other men have realize that he’s contributed nothing to their tribe thus far. Instead he goes to help the women with their shelter? Does he want to be voted out next? Who cares who you’d rather talk to?

Oh, and it looks as if the women don’t really want him around, either. He is a member of the other tribe, but he’s all sad puppy dog when they send him back to his tribe. Wow, boy needs to not get his feelings all butt-hurt and start playing the game a little. But he goes back to the women’s camp and begs (yes, literally begs) them to let him stay there. You know, if he were playing them, he would be the best player in the history of Survivor. Sabrina, who was once Colton’s biggest supporter and gave him an immunity idol (rather prematurely, I think) now just wants him gone.

Nighttime, and the men are having a grand old time with Tarzan (who I think is really named Ken and a plastic surgeon) doing a dance in his Speedo. Colton appears to be sucking it up and trying to play the game, telling Troy (I refuse to call him Troyzan) about the Immunity Idol, and plotting against the pretty boys. Colton allies himself with Tarzan, Troy, Lief and Jonas. Yay! People who understand that a good alliance needs to have a majority!

Immunity challenge time, and it’s a balance challenge, which seems to give the women an unfair advantage, since they are known to have better balance because of a lower center of gravity. We’ll see how this goes. Lief does quite well, but it might have been easier for him since he’s a little person.  

The women are not doing well at all, so forget what I said earlier. As Jeff points out, they make Cat the first person to go, and she’s a dumbass who can’t follow easy instructions (I added the last part). The men are getting all up close and personal and huggy, but it’s a technique that’s working for them. The women start doing better as soon as it’s not Cat who’s having to move. But it’s too little, too late (and I wrote that before Jeff said it, thank you very much) and the men win.

Dude, Cat is sooo going home. She should, or will it be Nina, who pointed out that they don’t know how to work together or cooperate? It’ll probably be Nina. The young and dumb always seem to last longer than the older and competent and less popular. Everyone seems to understand that Cat blew the challenge (and will most likely continue to do so), and Nina would be better to have around, but they don’t want to chance messing up their alliance.

Tribal council, and Jeff starts out by calling them all sixth graders. Nina points out that she’s a former LAPD officer and asks Cat what she brings to the table, and she’s … got nothing. Nina is not playing this right; she’s being way too confrontational toward Cat. It reeks of desperation and will only cause the other women to close ranks. 

We only see Nina and Kat vote, and they vote for each other. Wait, who voted for Christina? And then the person with possibly the most life experience and probably the best one in a crisis is voted off, instead of the blonde with more enthusiasm.

Next week: The dumbass women let their fire go out again. Wait, isn’t that Kat’s job?


Copyright © 2018, The Baltimore Sun, a Baltimore Sun Media Group publication | Place an Ad