Tonight is ripe with the promise of a masquerade party for the ladies and before even seeing the costumes, there's a fight over them. Gina and Marcella make a beeline for the boxes of costumes to grab matching booty shorts before the other ladies snatch them up.
The twins are in an uproar about how their mother Loren was too hung over for the opening of the arc of the covenant. Debbie is in tears over the costume fight, but Ashley reminds the girls what the night is all about: looking good. Although the opening of cardboard boxes filled with pasties and thongs turned into a Pandora’s box for the ladies, they all made it to the club looking equal parts hot and mysterious in their masks.
Yes, Gina and Marcella managed to find matching costumes, and yes, they were diamond-studded bikini tops, fur vests and sparkly skirts. As if you’d go clubbing with your mother wearing anything else!
Loren makes homemade chicken soup after going to the grocery store. But the girls scatter at the possibility of getting poisoned and Marcella was too busy writing her name on her bananas to notice. As a peace offering, Gina takes one for the team and dishes out the toxic soup to her and her beloved Marcella. Note: (Shockingly) No mother or daughter were actually poisoned during the eating of Loren’s soup.
“I really want to go eat sushi, but I would rather talk about sex,” proclaims Sharon before a dinner date with fellow mother Loren and mother/daughter pair Jay and Vanessa. Silly Sharon, everyone knows the only thing to talk about while eating sushi with mother and daughters, is their sex lives!
Kudos to Marcella for picking a foreign drunk man she keeps calling “blonde guy” at the bar. She can’t remember the cute Austrian’s name, but the morbidly obese, Gucci tracksuit wearing, bar dweller is dubbed “Rick.” When blonde guy questions said troll’s tracksuit, Rick tries to beat him up but the nimble Austrian escapes. Gina’s momma bear comes out to protect her darling daughter and hustles them away from both freaks.
Debbie notices a rash on her head and no, it was not a tumor caused by excessive amounts of hair spray, it was shingles. This causes mass paranoia and a high demand for quarantining not experienced since the Black Plaque. The doctor assures the ladies they don’t need to worry since they have already had chickenpox. But apparently VH1 has located the only women in America who have not been exposed to chickenpox before. Note: No other mother/daughter duo contracted shingles during the filming of this episode.
To celebrate the success of letting Debbie stay despite being marked with The Grim, the ladies grab their stacks of singles and hit the strip club. Gina is the only one who voices her concern for the welfare of the strippers; Marcella and Gina are both classy, and godly so naturally they are worried. When a stripper comes to dance on Gina, she flees to the bus. Debbie follows in hot pursuit.
Sharon goes after Marcella and Gina by writing a sassy letter demanding them to never speak to her again then officially declares them dead. Although the medical examiner was not called in to verify Sharon’s claim, it is doubtful that someone who attempts to throw a lamp at you is dead. Note: Neither Gina nor Marcella were actually dead by Sharon’s hand during the filming of this episode … although we cannot vouch for next week yet.