In case this cruel and unusual four-week break has left you totally baffled on what’s going on and who’s zoomin’ who and what Sue’s up to …. here’s what you missed on Glee!
So the newest Glee addition is Rory the faux leprechaun (and in case you were worried, like I was, the fake leprechaun is substantially less offensive than the girl with fake Asperger’s) who is definitive proof that McKinley is the most unreal high school of all time. Seriously, coast to coast in any 100 percent red-blooded American school, the new Irish exchange kid would pretty much be Prom King by default. But that’s beside the point which is actually that Rory’s granting Brittany wishes in order to get into her pot of gold. Yes, yes, that is a euphemism.
Meanwhile, Mercedes recruits Santana to Shelby’s Show Choir; Santana then steals Brittany (her new, like Facebook-official girlfiriend!) away from New Directions. Since the ladies are all jumping ship and going rogue, Finn recruits Rory to the glee club. Based on Blaine’s extra dreamy eyes, Rory is competition for Kurt in more octaves than one. He can also, presumably, dance better than Finn (since Brittany’s cat can dance better than Finn, despite its smoking habit) but the boy needs to seriously work on his lip syncing if the New Directions are going to put in a better showing at Nationals. So now the New Directions have conquered the money problem (via appeal to the Almighty Burt), and we're back to the eternally vexing membership issue. Currently the score is: -3 women, +1 Leprechaun
Who knows how Shelby’s Choir will solve its membership issue, unless the members just do the sensible thing and recruit the entire Cheerios squad and let Mercedes do the rest of the work? Anyway, Shelby’s got a way more aggressive problem in the shape of a formerly-pregnant-born-again-cheerleader-turned-punk-turned-empty-vengeful-teenager who sees infant Beth as her saving grace from poor hygiene, pink hair and a life lived under the bleachers. Personally, I miss punk Quinn; she had moxie. Just sayin’.
I found myself trying to remember why Quinn suddenly wanted to be a mother and then it turned out that I didn’t know because she never actually mentioned it …. The answer is: Quinn sees baby Beth as her wonderful angel snowflake and Quinn plans to live a perfect life through her baby, etc. So, basically, Quinn read a psych 101 book and decided she wants to be a mother for the worst reasons EVER.
Quinn’s bent on making Shelby look bad and calling CPS on her. All the while, Puck’s busy bringing sexy —I mean chest hair — back while he reminds us how he’s a pool boy with a thing for older women (this little reminder had me super anxious during all of Puck’s otherwise sweet scenes with Beth and Shelby).
Most Telling Number: Blaine misses the Warblers like I miss the Warblers, which is clearly why he’s singing Katy Perry again since, let’s be serious, the Warblers do Katy Perry better than Katy Perry does Katy Perry.
My Pot o’ Gold Award: Goes to Burt Hummel aka TV’s Consistently Best Dad. Not only did Burt whip out his standard Speeches of Awesome, he also managed to turn Sue into a candidate sane people can vote for and still sleep at night.
Less Creepy than it Should be Award: Puck&Shelby. Mostly due to the aforementioned chest hair and how Puck looks closer to 30 than oh, say, jailbait.