For The Baltimore Sun
9:57 AM EDT, June 12, 2013
Previously on "Pretty Little Liars," Toby died, Detective Wilden got hit by a car (driven by Hanna’s mom) we found out Toby didn’t die, the girls got trapped in a lodge fire, Alison saved the girls from the fire in the lodge, Officer Wilden’s body disappeared, and we were left wondering “WHAT THE HECK IS IN THAT TRUNK?”
We spent months agonizing, taking bets and wondering, what could possibly be inside of the trunk? Spoiler Alert: if you guessed pig, you were right! With Detective Wilden’s body nowhere in sight and the video of the incident between Wilden and Hanna’s mom playing in a continuous loop inside of Wilden’s cop car (that was last seen inside of a lake thanks to Hanna and Aria), the girls and Mona have no choice but to take the chip from the police cruiser and run!
That’s right, the girls and MONA.
“Keep your friends close and your enemies closer.” Sorry Mona, but we just can’t trust you. You weren’t working at the local coffee shop, but playing A, so the fact you know what kind of coffee to get the girls after a long night of playing “third degree” and dodging Emily’s fight threats is a little off. With the girls still puzzled about the mysterious “red coat” girl and Mona out of options, what better way to gain the liars' trust than to invite them to her “casa” (aka lair)? Inside of #MonasLair, the girls find out that Mona was indeed riding the Halloween train and Wilden and Melissa Hastings were both playing the role of the Queen of Hearts that evening. (Well, we saw Wilden’s face; someone mysteriously begins to delete Mona’s files before Melissa has the chance to take off her mask.)
After hearing little voices, the liars leave Mona’s lair to find five little girls playing with five identical dolls given to them by “Your friend Allison." If that isn’t creepy enough, maybe the Aria doll with the red streaks, the chubby Hanna doll or the Mona doll with the glasses will do it for you. Yes? Of course!
If that wasn’t enough, maybe the dead body of Detective Wilden on the sidewalk by his squad car will get you. Yup, it finally happened; Detective Wilden is actually dead.
Mrs. D? Remember me? It is true, after trying to piece together the vision of Alison pulling them from the fire, the girls find out that Jessica DiLaurentis (Alison’s mom) has moved back to town. Why?
Sidebar: Couples update. Spoby is back together again. After learning that Toby was working with A and faked his death to “protect her,” Spencer sits with him as she tries to put together the current events of her life -- and as her “boyfriend” makes her breakfast (while receiving mysterious texts about his mom from A). Aria and Ezra agree to call it quits, then keep it awkward after running into each other in the coffee shop. After being called to the Vice Principal's office to learn that Ezra will indeed face charges for having sex with a student (GASP FOR AIR, THANK GOD THAT WAS JUST SOMETHING TO FAKE US OUT), Aria realizes that maybe she and Ezra should “see other people” (sad day, very sad day when she actually sent that text). #PoorEzra. Paige convinces Emily that she indeed belongs in California with her, swimming and taking road trips. *Swoon*
We always forget that Jenna can see now, but we are constantly reminded of why she is the wrong person to trust in any situation. During a surprise visit to Emily’s house, Jenna confesses that she was indeed on a first-name basis with the late Detective Wilden. After leaving a message for Toby with Emily, Jenna also informs her that everyone who saw Alison on the night of her murder has been “waking up dead.”
It wouldn’t be a "Pretty Little Liars" premiere without a funeral scene. The girls arrive at the scene of Detective Wilden’s funeral, to…pay respects? Not really. After receiving a mysterious text from A, the girls have no option but to open the casket and retrieve whatever the piece of evidence is that is setting them up.
Spencer, is that casket ringing? Pick it up, I think it’s for you! No, it’s actually for Hanna…from her mother’s cell phone? (Where was Ashley?) Why was her phone tucked away with Wilden’s body?
If the mysterious “Red Coat” wasn’t enough, we are introduced to a woman wearing an all-black lace dress complete with a veil. Just when the girls try to figure out who the woman is, they are introduced to another “good guy” cop, then receive another classic text from their beloved A.
“Truth won’t set you free bitches; I’ll bury you with it.”
After four seasons, A still knows how to close out a show.
See you next week.
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