"I am beginning to think a royal family might come in handy. True, the endless, action-deprived run-up to the birth of George, Prince of Cambridge, might have reminded the dispassionate observer of the wait for the arrival of a new baby panda," writes that brilliant comic of New York Times observers, Gail Collins.
I, personally, am almost afraid to print the following because the networks and Web went so crazy over the heir to the British throne that it became "Enough, already!" and some TV outlets like CNN were all but crucified for showing the cannons shooting a 21-gun salute and allowing all 21 booms full coverage and sound.
Then there was "The Daily Show With Jon Stewart" (but without Jon, who is on leave) and Britisher John Oliver was leading the excess baby news. Then, here comes Stephen Colbert. The Emmy winner, doing his thing. They had their fun with the overkill and the TV and the Web, where news execs seemed to forget Syria, Egypt, etc., as if they no longer exist.
Then, there were the people who didn't feel I was "nice" enough about the baby, so I think I'll just go overboard here, too. We had only a partial view of the Prince of Cambridge when he came out with his loving parents from St. Mary's Hospital, so here's a different "take"!
At the offices of NYC's favorite podiatrist, Dr. Suzanne Levine, what should come up but Dr. Freud's, "Anatomy is destiny." We still don't know, as of this writing, the color of the baby's eyes . . . whether he has a dimple . . . and already there has been an overexamination of his name.
Dr. Levine, a favorite of Vogue, Elle, Harper's Bazaar, W and other glossies is the fashion world's go-to foot doctor. Over 25 years she has pioneered all sorts of leading-edge treatments, surgeries, injectable fillers and other comforts and corrections so that society types and fashionistas can continue to wear Manolo Blahnik's and Christian Louboutin's high heels.
She invented an over-the-counter soft gel shoe insert called "Pillow for Your Feet" and is the author of several books including "My Feet are Killing Me," which she'll publish later this year.
Get this, people! "Feet are destiny!" says Dr. Levine. "I can't wait to see the royal baby's feet. Will he be plagued by aristocratic feet like his grandmother, Princess Diana -- or will he be blessed by having down-to-earth feet like his mother, Kate?" She goes on: "I remember the first time I saw a photo of Diana barefoot and I saw her arch. It was so high, which is associated with aristocracy, because it looks so elegant and delicate. But it can cause a lot of pain and discomfort. It's the opposite of flat feet. The high-arched foot is unable to comfortably absorb the shock of heel to ground.
"Diana wanted to be an average person. She wanted to be grounded -- the implications I'm speaking about are psychological, of course -- but her feet, with such severely aristocratic arches, prevented her from obtaining what she wanted. I can always tell in photographs when someone has trouble with their feet. With Diana, I could always see her pain and frustration from never being completely grounded.
"And Kate Middleton's feet? Hers are wide and much more working class. From what I've seen in photos, she already has bunions, several hammertoes and corns. Just like the rest of us. It's not that she is flat-footed, but her feet are rolled in and there's stress on her arches. Kate has her feet on the ground. Diana didn't. But Diana succeeded by being a wonderful mother who gave William the ability to pick a partner who is down-to-earth and who acts like the princess she became by marriage."
THE DOCTOR CONCLUDES: "I haven't seen Prince Williams' feet, but guess they are high arched. I am hoping the baby has a combination of his mother's and his maternal grandmother's feet. Then, nothing will hold him back from attaining full potential and his dreams."
Hmmmm. Well maybe this is why polo is the sport of kings (and of Ralph Lauren's menswear store, where the salesmen never wear socks)
High arches fit so well into the stirrup.
I HAD EXCELLENT tiny tempura soft-shell crabs at Michael's this week and a kicky lunch with one of the best editors ever discovered by Conde Nast.
I'm talking Parade's Walter Anderson, who has now become a playwright with his eagle eye on Broadway. With Walter were his daughter, Melinda, and her remarkable significant other: Pulitzer Prize-winning photographer John Moore of Getty Images.
Melinda has had a dizzying online career already and works partly for the tabloid Post's fashion department. She is in a start-up with Close-ette, an organizational design firm. John, who won his Pulitzer for covering the Arab Spring and has the Robert Capa medal, is a University of Texas alum and will soon be covering the possible immigration issue facing Congress.
We had fun discussing what Texas Gov. Rick Perry will do for an encore and examining Texas Monthly magazine for August. They give a different verdict, more favorable to the governor's long running time in office, than is usual for a liberal magazine in a highly conservative state. But they do end by saying Gov. Perry is enigmatic and difficult to know.
(E-mail Liz Smith at MES3838@aol.com.)