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BY JOHN ANDERSON Special to Newsday

January 13, 2008
Most agrarian collectivist revolutionaries -- Robin Hood, Emiliano Zapata, even Thomas Jefferson -- never had to swing a broadsword in ersatz Tolkienville. But they were generally against the existing power structure. And their narratives were relatively easy to follow -- at least compared with "In the Name of the King." At two-plus hours, it doesn't seem that long, considering it drops you into its medieval maelstrom with not as much as an opening credit. But imagine what it would have been like if they'd actually told us what was going on?

Director Uwe Boll ("BloodRayne") has made a small career out of adapting video games to the big screen. While the commercial logic behind this is obvious -- name recognition, existing audience -- the films are made, especially Boll's latest, only for the people who know the story line and care. It may seem sacrilegious to say it, but why not stay home and watch "King" on your computer? The resolution will be better, and the viewer will likely have an inkling of the plotline already. For the unacquainted (who are obviously not the target audience for this thing), it's like being introduced to "The Sopranos" by watching the last episode.

Most of the music suggests "Little House on the Prairie," the action seems choreographed by an insurance company and the dialogue is laughable. Sometimes, literally. As, respectively, the King, the Duke and the power-crazy Gallian, Burt Reynolds, Matthew Lillard and Ray Liotta are out there walking an eccentric, crazy high wire. Jason Statham, as the ostensible hero Farmer, seems like a jerkin-clad Lager Lad who got lost on the way to a Fulham game. But Reynolds, Lillard and Liotta clearly know this is a payday, and provide enough eye-rolling and maniacal grinning for a movie called "Screaming Goodfellas on Boogie Nights."

Farmer is more like an earthy Josey Wales, whose peaceful plot of land is attacked by the Orc-like minions of Gallian. Assisted by his stepfather Norick (Ron Perlman), Farmer dispatches the gnarly mutants but loses his son in the process. His wife, Solana (Claire Forlani), also disappears, to be placed in the dungeon of the title (or is it dudgeon?) and wait for Farmer to get his act together and save her. No one can save the movie, of course, in which people talk as if it's Saturday night in Malibu, except when Liotta addresses Leelee Sobieski as "Milady," which is absolutely hilarious.

IN THE NAME OF THE KING: A DUNGEON SIEGE STORY (PG-13). High hooey in a Middle-Earthy milieu of monarchs, mutants and machismo. Tedious video-game adaptation, but the casting is hilarious. With Jason Statham, Burt Reynolds, Matthew Lillard, Ray Liotta, Leelee Sobieski and Claire Forlani. Screenplay by Doug Taylor. Directed by Uwe Boll. 2:04 (violence, adult content). At area .theaters.