"Disaster Movie" is the latest and most slapdash of the movie parodies to atrophy out of the "Scary Movie" franchise. It shows more signs of the postpartum depression that these movies have felt since the Wayans Brothers gave them to Jason Friedberg and Aaron Seltzer and the stretch marks of trying to make fun of a movie genre that isn't exactly current.
And let's stop with the pregnancy analogies right here.
Disaster has maybe nine laughs in it, most of them via Crista Flanagan's dead-on impersonation of the very pregnant title character in "Juno."
"Chilly Willy out, L.L. not Cool J.," she blurts in that "clever for clever's sake" Juno style. "I'm more bloated than Vince Vaughn in 'The Break-Up,' or 'Fred Claus' or Vince Vaughn!"
And then the hacks who hacked this together make fun of anyone who actually makes the effort to write clever dialogue.
They've cobbled together a "Cloverfield" plot, with hints of "I Am Legend," "The Day After Tomorrow," a chipmunk zombie movie and "10,000 B.C."
What's interesting is that these movies are no longer made by people who love movies or have any skill at making them. This is a random sample of Short Attention Span Nation randomness, with pop culture rips on TV ("My Super Sweet 16," "American Gladiators"), gossip train wrecks (Amy Winehouse), music stars (Justin Timberlake, Michael Jackson) and viral video. That whole Sarah Silverman/Jimmy Kimmel "I'm [having sex with] Matt Damon/Ben Affleck" joke is played out in a tedious musical finale.
Everybody needs a paycheck, and chances are this will earn back its meager cost in one weekend. But one joke here seems the most relevant. A Hayden Christensen ("Jumper") look-alike is impaled on Prince Caspian's mighty sword. Caspian stares at the actor on a stick and cracks, "He's the guy who ruined 'Star Wars'!"
Hey, Friedberg and Seltzer, you're the guys who ruined the "Scary Movies"!
Opening: Aug. 29. Running time: 1:23.
MPAA rating: PG-13 (for crude and sexual content throughout, language, drug references and comic violence).
'Disaster Movie': All you need to know is in the title
Rating: 1 star (poor)
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