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Entertainment Food & Dining

Towson Diner

Where else can you go to hear someone beat boxin' while cops idlychat with the waitstaff and your best friend sits smiling before aMediterranean backdrop? No clue? Well, folks, you can leave yourpassport at home -- it's none other than Towson's 24-hour TowsonDiner.

Never before has being drunk and hungry offered so many rewards.OK, this is what you get at the diner -- cheap (albeitquestionable) food; fast service (since the waitstaff wants yourdrunk self out -- now!); other drunkards and/or innocent bystanderswith which to socialize and a terribly tacky Mediterranean wallmural. Who knew that a half dozen beers could land a person"waterfront" seating at Towson's premiere diningestablishment?

Aside from the surroundings, the best thing about this place isthat you can order whatever you want whenever you want it. But mostdrunks want breakfast food, so that's the gold standard here.However, if you want to order something else, don't be afraid ofthe menu. It's loaded with pretty basic food and it's insanelylong, so you're bound to find something you like.

After diners thumb through the plastic-clad, tackily iconic menuand make their decisions, they're in for a totally interactiveexperience that may be beyond most patrons' sobriety level:ordering food. The process, in theory, is simple enough, but not atthe Towson Diner. The waitresses are gruff and the later (orearlier, as the case may be) it gets, the more attitude they dishout, which can make for some great entertainment. If you thinkthese brash broads don't know what they're doing, you aredrunk. Realize that you are only one of the hundreds of drunks theyhave to deal with and they won't hesitate to deliver a backhandedretort faster than a frustrated drag queen with a run in herhose.

The food comes fast -- which is nice, but raises some seriousconcerns about preparation -- can you really cook hashbrowns and bacon in less than five minutes? Sanitation aside, thefood is nothing special. But it's always great for satisfying thelate-night munchies. As mentioned before, breakfast food is key,and there's no better breakfast dish than eggs and bacon. You getplenty of it at Towson Diner, since portions are huge. Plus, thisis one cheap eat that totally spares your wallet.

Dish: Classic breakfast food is good all day -- and it'swhat most people order at the diner. (I mean, what are you gonnado, order a Greek salad after chugging beers all night at the bar?)The eggs are dry, but as far as taste goes, eggs are eggs. Tastynonetheless. The hash browns are served hot and shining in theirown grease -- yum! The bacon, though, is limp, which can be kind ofa downer.

Damage: The classic breakfast of eggs, hash browns and baconruns approximately $7.

Decision: The Towson Diner is a great place to satiate drunkmunchies, and it's even cool to grab a bite here with friends, butit's probably not the kind of place you'd go regularly (unlessyou're regularly drunk, in which case this rule doesn't apply). Thewaitstaff is tolerant, and when they give you the cold shoulderit's more funny than offensive -- seriously, what do you expect at1 a.m.? And while the food may not be topnotch, it fits the bill.You can't go to a diner and expect fine dining, but you can go andexpect cheap and decent food -- and that's exactly what the TowsonDiner provides.

Copyright © 2014, The Baltimore Sun
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