'Dead Body' is such a drag

(D) Over Her Dead Body is a hopeless pastiche of timeworn plotlines, hackneyed dialogue and stultifying direction; to call it amateurish is a slap in the face to amateurs everywhere.

It's certainly a movie that is undeniably dead on arrival. It's not funny, it's put together with all the care and finesse of a ransom note, it features actors who seem embarrassed to be involved with the thing, and it drags for at least 94 of its 95-minute running time.

Other than that, it's really bad.

Eva Longoria Parker, who's grown a new last name since signing on to TV's Desperate Housewives, is Kate, a boorish diva of a bride-to-be who gets herself killed by a falling ice statue about five minutes into the film. Shrill, shrewish and utterly resistible, Kate is about the least adorable character to be written into a romantic comedy since ... well, maybe since the genre was invented. Even after only five minutes, audiences will doubtless pray that her early demise signals her early exit from the film.

Sorry, folks, no such luck. A clueless Kate wakes up in a room of blinding white. A wingless angel comes to fetch her, but Kate is so bossy, so disagreeable, that the angel leaves Kate to fend for herself.

A year later, Kate's fiance, Henry (Paul Rudd, the only cast member who exhibits genuine comic timing) still hasn't gotten over her death. His sister, worried that Paul needs to get on with his life (and perhaps puzzled that he doesn't realize how lucky he is), schemes to get him dating again.

Her solution: Persuade a psychic wedding caterer - now there's a profession you won't find in the Yellow Pages - to tell Henry that his dead fiancee wants him to get on with his life.

The lovely Lake Bell plays Ashley, the psychic caterer, so it isn't hard to understand why sparks fly between her and Henry. (Fittingly, for this ill-conceived train-wreck of a comedy, there is zero apparent chemistry between Rudd and Bell, but at least they're both pleasant to look at.) Here's the "hilarious" twist: Kate doesn't want Henry to be happy; she wants him to spend the rest of his days pining for her. So she takes it upon herself to "save" him from Ashley.

Oh, and here's the other "hilarious" twist: Ashley, one supposes because her dues are paid-up for the Psychic Friends Network, can see Kate. And be tormented by her.

Things drag on as two women - one dead, one distracted - vie for Henry's attention.

First-time director Jeff Lowell, whose previous experience includes writing 2006's John Tucker Must Die, displays no sense of pacing, character development or humor. The film looks to have been shot at almost reckless speed; a few times, it sounds as if the actors were stumbling over their lines, with no one calling for a retake.

Parker, who must have phoned in her performance during a weekend break from Desperate Housewives, is simply awful. Dressed in the same outfit for most of the film (apparently there are no wardrobe changes in the afterlife), her job consists of insulting Ashley and acting selfish.

The only solace is that, despite her top billing, Parker is only in the film for maybe 20 minutes.

The real stars are Rudd and Bell. His mischievous smirk, so effectively used in Judd Apatow's The 40 Year Old Virgin and Knocked Up, doesn't exactly fit a grieving bridegroom, but at least he knows how to deliver a wisecrack. For her part, Bell does a mean pratfall and is at least engaging; if she'd been cast as Kate, the film would have been considerably more palatable.

chris.kaltenbach@baltsun.com

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