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'Snooki and JWOWW' recap: The new girls next door

Was the season premiere of "Snooki And JWOWW" everything you thought it would be? It was all worth it to see Jenni "JWOWW" Farley's "O-face," wouldn't you say?

There is nothing quite like the shocked/horrified/speechless reaction of your best gal pal when you tell her that you are officially knocked up, and your party days are over.

Or, as Nicole "Snooki" Polizzi explained her predicament simply, "Instead of life throwing me a curve ball, it threw me a sperm ball."

Obviously this wasn't a shock to the rest of the world, because Twitter, Facebook, daily news, tabloids, and hell, probably even the five people still on MySpace were buzzing the day Snooki announced she was pregnant with a little guido or guidette.

You would have had to be living under a rock, or off smoking bath salts, or consequently having your face eaten off to not have heard about the day that was announced. 

Besides the obvious climax, aka Snooki announcing her pregnancy and engagement, not referencing the actual conception or first night they met (that would just be rude), the first major event to take place was Snooki and Jenny announcing that they want to move out and get a place together.

This news was no doubt met with extreme skepticism due to their knowledge of Snooki's lack of all major survival skills such as feeding herself, cleaning up after herself, making money, paying bills ("You have to pay to flush the toilet?"), etc. 

My first favorite part was when we got to see Rodger again, who equates the idea of a female's "last hurrah" with a "gang-bang" ...?!

After JWOWW assures him that there will be none of that involved, she vows: "If Rodger does anything while I'm away, his d*#% will be above my fireplace, let's be real." Let's!

Hell, I'd do the same thing to my man, but I doubt he would be so understanding of me moving out of our house we have together in order to have a last hurrah with my best gal pal, but then again I don't have a hit TV show.

Other major feats that took place in this episode: Snooki learns to parallel park her "ridiculously-ghetto," black Escalade truck with hot-pink detailing (duh!), JWOWW has to pee and change her tampon despite the lack of TP, and grueling apartment hunting for a WHOLE DAY until they found the perfect one (they almost gave up!).

Thank goodness they did not, because then where would we all be? What would consume a half an hour of our Thursday evening? It's not a world I would want to live in, that's for sure.

Things I learned from Snooki and JWOWW on this episode:

"Kosher is healthy, organic food and Jewish people eat it too." -Snooki

"[Amish people are] rich, I feel. They have their own freaking companies, like everywhere." -Snooki

"Do you guys f*#%? … No? … Really? Oh sorry, just trying to break the ice." -JWOWW (Note to self: Ask people if they get it on in order to swap one awkward moment with an even more awkward one.)

Just as the theme song says, over and over... and over again, "I don't care, I love it!"

Agree with me, or agree to disagree with me? Let me know, @KT_HUTCH.

Copyright © 2014, The Baltimore Sun
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