By Nicholas Page
7:44 AM EDT, September 21, 2012
Welcome back y'all! This round of auditions led us to Greensboro, NC, home of grits, gravy and lots of attitude.
The episode started off with all the judges lounging in their natural habitat talking about how they want to find a star. Of course this wasn't a natural setting at all, as there were zero Cheeto bags in Britney's room.
The auditions first introduced us to Willie James, 17, who sang a honky tonk rendition of "Your Man." The judges loved his surprising performance. As Demi put it, his style was all "fresh prince of Bel-Air" but his song was pure deep south. His talent mixed with his down to earth personality made him a shoo-in to go right to boot camp.
Next was Kalvin Mcmanigle, 47. I hesitate to type 47 because he looked closer to 147. When he opened his mouth just to speak, he was impossible to understand. After his terrible performance, Ms. Spears feared that he might be related to her in some capacity. Welcome to the family, Kalvin.
Julia Bullock, 18, came with a little bit more of a complicated story. She came with her family and her band, which included her ex-boyfriend. When Simon asked her about what the band will do if she advanced, we cut to them saying that the band is done.
Things got more complicated when we learned that Christian, her ex/band member, still loves her and doesn’t was to lose her. Then on stage, Julia basically tells the judges that they're totally cool with her decision. I've seen soap operas less complicated than this.
Julia's awesome performance of "Pumped Up Kicks" put the final nail in the coffin for the band, and possibly her and Christian's relationship.
Hairstylist Krysten Colon, 21, was nervous when she first came on stage to sing Adele's "Don't you remember?" While I though she was really great, the judges cut her off and said that they see potential but want her to come back later to sing a different song. The said that she needed to come back and make another song her own.
While Krysten was preparing, we saw Jeffery Gutt, 36. Jeffery was a single dad with dreams of being a rock star. Seeing him talk to a fellow single dad with his son was pretty adorable. This show just loves to tug at your heart strings at times.
When his mouth opened to sing "Hallelujah," the audience came to their feet. Simon said that he was best audition he's seen yet. They all praised his original and passionate performance.
That's when I went into cuteness overload. His son ran on stage when the judges said that his "daddy is a rock star." His look of pride when they said that made me just about explode.
I composed myself long enough for Krysten to take the stage again. I had such high hopes for her. She tried to belt out "I Have Nothing." I had a feeling the song choice was a mistake because no one can take on the late Whitney. I was right. She was off-key and her voice sounded weak the whole time. I felt for her. I felt her passion and drive. Then she turned.
When all the judges gave her Nos, she got ugly. As she walked off even Demi noticed that she was pissed! (With a capital P.) She started yelling and throwing water at the camera. The sweet Krysten was no more. She obviously had serious anger management issues because her mom yelled, "You promised you wouldn't do this here."
She ran off into the thunder and rain while her mother apologized for her.
Phew! After that emotional episode I need to decompress. I am looking forward to next week when more hopefuls audition with dreams of stardom.
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