What do vampires do after massacring a wedding reception? Plan for world domination, of course.
After last week's monstrously ridiculous episode, this week was a bit more sedate. For "True Blood" that means a graphic sex scene, double Sams (seriously) and some super-scary sections involving Sookie and Jason's parents' killer.
But there wasn't a naked Lilith. So there's that.
COMING DOWN: Still high on non-mainstreaming and feeding on wedding party folks, the Chancellors regroup at the Authority to plan their next step. And there's no time to waste! Or clean their faces of blood!
Russell proclaims that he is reborn after seeing Lilith (and he particular admires her, um, assets). The facial scar guy really, really loves the fact that he ate a child (in his words, "I need a baby. Lilith wants me to eat a baby.").
Eric is the only one who seems rattled by all this talk. Post-Godric visit he's shocked back into, you know, being a vampire who doesn't kill humans willy-nilly. Later, he tries to talk some sense into "sister" Nora, who disowns Godric, which leads to Eric choking her for a second.
Speaking of Godric, I fully expected him to make another appearance this episode, but he was nowhere to be seen. Maybe he's wanting to see how Eric handles things? Godric, things aren't going well.
Bill, on the other hand, is adjusting oddly well to the Lilith-as-God mentality. Salome apparently kidnaps a young mother and presents her as a present to Bill. Bill initially hesitates, but then gleefully digs in.
Interesting: Bill had an interesting flashback to 1910, when he visited his own daughter, who looked to be about 30ish, who was dying. His daughter begged him to make her immortal but he refused, calling immortality a "curse." Sidenote: Stephen Moyer, who plays Bill, directed this episode.
You'd think Bill had some sly motive here, but it seems as though he's ready for a new (extremist) phase in life. He and Eric go to a chancellors meeting where they figure out what to do next. One chancellor suggests paying vigilantes to kill mainstreamers on sight. Others suggest tapping into their government contacts in Britain and Russia (which kind of makes sense. Putin has a vampirical look to him).
But it's Bill who suggests a plan everyone loves: target TruBlood factories, blow them up and force vampires to feast on humans.
"What are you doing?" Eric asks him.
"Evolving" Bill says. Is Bill the villain now or does he actually have a plan to destroy Salome?
SOOKIE EMBRACES FAIRYNESS: Poor Sookie! Minus Bill or Eric, she's all, like, aimless and tired of having special powers.
Jason finds her trying to deplete her fairylight and he puts a stop to it: "If you were normal, you never would have met Bill," Jason reminds her, saying that she found true love. Frankly, I'm tired of the show going back and forth with Sookie and Bill's relationship. Just keep them together or not. Jason also says that if she got rid of her powers, she wouldn't get to talk to Gran, which is a better argument.
Jason convinces her to go to Claude to see if she can help find the vampire responsible for their parents' deaths. Claude says there is something they all can do, and it involves them going to the bridge where the parents were murdered and holding hands and collecting what seemed to be some sort of electronic fairy energy. We also learn that Albert Einstein was half-fairy, hence his ability to come up with E = MC2. Or something.
In a very effective, scary scene, Sookie does begin to get visions. She can enter the viewpoint of her mother, sees a vampire brutally slain her folks, but then -- weird! -- sees and feels things from the vampire's point of view. She even sees Claudine shoot fairylight out of her hands to combat the murderer.
She also hears a name (I apologize, but is it Warlo? Worlo? Someone help), but Claude claims he hasn't heard of him. But Sookie psychologically bonding with vampire is a big no-no, and not something fairies can normally do. Sookie = still a freak with no identity.
Later, in the bathroom, Sookie sees a mist and the murderous vampire appears to her. "I'm coming for you. You are mine!" it says in a super-gravelly voice that had a Freddy Krueger vibe. Freaky!
TWO SAMS ARE ... ABOUT THE SAME AS ONE: I couldn't help but keep laughing whenever the two Sams showed up on screen. For some reason (maybe explained later) Luna shifts into Sam's body. Which leads to such shenanigans! Like Sam talking in a girly voice, walking oddly and people seeing them and saying "Hi Sam .... uh, hi Sam."
Luna eventually turns back to Luna, only after a really uncomfortable (but hilarious) scene in which the real Sam cradles Luna-Sam and nurses her back to health (she's still recovering from a gunshot wound).
Best line about the two Sams: After spotting them hugging in his office, Andy says, "I hate this g--damn town."
Some progressions on the shifter assassin front. The suspect that Sam tracked down was arrested, and then Sam turned into a cobra and either a) just scared him or b) killed him. We don't really see.
Meanwhile, an undercover shifter assassin flirts with Jessica at Fangtasia, then kidnaps her and presents her to Hoyt so he can kill her. She eventually talks him out of it, then he lets her go and she kills the undercover assassin.
Hoyt, later, is on the run from the hate group and is picked up on the road. After he says it's good to see a friendly face, that shadowy friendly face points a gun at him.
AND FOR THE POINTLESS SUBPLOT: Did we really need to rope Lafayette into the ludicrous Smoke/Fire Monster situation? Driving back from almost being murdered by Jesus' family, Lafayette encounters Arlene and Holly who urge him to hold a fake seance to fake convince Terry that the Fire Monster isn't real or gone or not angry.
Bad move. The monster appears and talks to Lafayette (well, the Iraqi woman they killed who cursed them talks to Lafayette). She appears, forces herself into Lafayette's body, Lafayette talks to them as the woman and then tells the group that either Terry or Patrick has to die to release the monster, and ... sorry I really can't take this anymore. No mas, Smoke Monster plot. No mas.
MORE HIGHLIGHTS FROM 'SOMEBODY THAT I USED TO KNOW'
The Pam and Tara show: I officially love everything Pam and Tara do, say and wear this season (spinoff?). When an old mean girl from Tara's high school appears, she tries a battle of the words with Tara, and clearly loses. "Now you're a member of two minorities!" the friend says to Tara after Tara bares her fangs. Tara reminds her that she isn't going to take her s--- anymore ... and that she slept with her boyfriend in high school.
Pam rewards Tara's gumption by tying up the high-school friend and glamouring her into being Tara's human slave to feast on. Tara had thought Pam was mad at her. Line of the night from Pam: "You don't know me that well. My mad face and my happy face are the same."
The sexiest sex scene that ever sexed: Well hello, Alcide and Rikki's graphic, growly sex scene. That was way more fun to watch than the seemingly going nowhere Alcide vs. JD for packmaster battle. Though it appears that Russell shows up at the pack shack next episode, so maybe it will get more interesting.
What's that smell?: At the shifter assassin hideout, Luna (as Sam) smells a "big woman" presence in the house. Is there some sort of matriarchal head of the assassins?
Thankfully: Loved how the end credits song was "Somebody That I Used to Know" by Elliott Smith and not that Gotye song.
Lafayette sassiness level: 8. After approached by Arlene and Holly to help get Terry back, he says, "Hookah, I'm not in the helpin' business anymore. I'm in the f--- off while I smoke a blunt business."
Copyright © 2015, The Baltimore Sun