Last night's episode didn't waste any time getting into it, and I'm not going to either.

What a difference a strong opening makes

Before the theme song had even played, we'd gotten a whole lot of action AND information. In rapid-fire succession, we alternate between Sookie and Warlow at Casa Stackhouse and Jess and Bill at Compton manor.

Sookie and her "vampire-killin' ball of light" are not amused with Warlow's declaration of love, or his claim that he only murdered Sookie's parents because they were going to kill Sookie.

Meanwhile, Bill is comforting a distressed Jess. She killed all the faerie babies, so she's feeling awfully guilty -- not to mention high as a kite from all that faerie blood she drank. She even tries to smooch her maker! Ick. Bill doesn't take advantage, though. Once a Southern gentleman, always a Southern gentleman.

But when Sookie attacks Warlow, striking him with said ball of light, the consequences aren't quite what anyone anticipated. At exactly the same moment as Sookie's light-ball hits Warlow, Bill jumps up in pain and has a vision of Lilith turning Warlow.

And Warlow isn't destroyed; rather, he heals up lickety-split from the light-ball wound (not so vampire-killin' after all). This really pisses Sookie off. She's not Warlow's or anybody's! None of them vampires know anything about love!

As these words leave Sookie's lips, Bill appears. We're briefly reminded that these two were once supposed soulmates. Except Bill isn't there for his one-time true love, he's there for Warlow. This becomes clear when Warlow threatens to kill Bill if he doesn't stop harassing Sookie. Bill(ith) responds that he already has, and that as his maker he commands Warlow to come with him. Which Warlow does.

Let's review: In just the opening minutes of "F--- the Pain Away," we learn that Warlow may not be the monster we've been led believe he is, Lilith definitely turned Warlow, Billith is enough parts Lilith to have maker powers over Warlow and Sookie's parents maybe tried to kill her. That's more to sink my teeth into then the first four episodes combined.

Sarah Newlin is her own person ...

... and she's out to prove it! After being refused by the governor, who she begs to forget about Willa and have a fangless baby with her instead, Sarah heads over to Jason's place. Jason arrives to find her sitting at his doorstep, wanting to save his soul. He stupidly believes Sarah when she says him that she's never felt more holy than when they were together, and that she truly believes that God wants him to have sex with her. I think she just wants a baby, and neither the "gay guy" nor the "old guy" would help her with that. Fingers crossed Jason has a condom in his wallet.

Right after Sarah and Jason complete their holy reunion, Jess shows up. She's hysterical, and doesn't know where else to go. She's convinced that her recent faerie-killing is proof that she's horrible, and wants to know why Jason ever loved her.

As Jason tells her that he loved everything about her, Jess has a realization. What if Billith isn't God? What if Billith is the devil, and she's been serving the devil? We haven't seen the good Christian girl in Jessica in so long that I kind of forgot about her.

Anyway, she says that she needs to get away from Jason before she does something horrible to him, and that's when Sarah strolls out of Jason's bedroom and gets uppity about Jason having a vampire ex.

Jess isn't in the mood to deal with Sarah's power-trip-slash-crisis-of-self, but before she can sink her fangs into Sarah's neck, Sarah rescinds Jess' invite to Jason's house. Jess is cast out and caught by the authorities. Jason and the viewers are left wondering how Sarah had the ability to cast Jess out of a house that wasn't hers. What is clear is that Sarah Newlin is as capable as she is dangerous.

Welcome to vamp camp

As Pam is walked through the camp that all of our favorite fangers are being carted off to one by one, we at last get a glimpse of the oft-mentioned vampire experimentation Governor Burrell has been conducting. From tooth extraction to literally running in a hamster wheel to copulation, vampires are being poked and prodded like the animals Burrell believes them to be.

Tara tells Eric that the government hauled Pam off in a paddy wagon. Eric promptly gets himself and Tara hauled off as well, so as to rescue Pam. They're separated upon arrival, and Eric finds himself facing three unknown vampires in a room that looks an awful lot like the one from Bill's vision of everyone burning to death. The four vampires are forced to play out a "Hunger Games" -esque scenario where only one will be left standing. To no one's surprise, that last one standing is Eric.

Pam has escaped physical torture. She's busy being studied by a therapist who bribes her to answer his questions with a fine looking lady from the Living Donor Program (LDP) on whom Pam may feed. Pam doesn't love the idea of giving in, but likes even less the idea of subsisting on watered down TruBlood.

After a series of questions (and feedings), the therapist asks about Pam's maker. Touchy subject! She responds that she no longer has a maker; he released her. She gives a good speech about how stupid and weak humans' love of pain is, and denies caring at all anymore about Eric. Neither the therapist nor I really buy that last part.