'Top Chef'

Beverly Kim and Grayson Schmitz and "Restaurant Wars." (Vivian Zink, Vivian Zink/Bravo)

Everyone, sing with me: It’s the most wonderful time of the year!

No, I’m not talking about Christmas or St. Patrick’s Day (65 days away and counting)! Finally, Restaurant Wars is upon us!

Some of the all-time greatest “Top Chef” meltdowns and kitchen battles have happened during Restaurant Wars. This season’s episode is no different, so let the cat fights begin!

Elimination Challenge

You know that there is no messing around tonight because the cheftestants bypass the usual Quickfire Challenge and go full speed ahead into Restaurant Wars.

This year’s edition of Restaurant Wars is the battle of the sexes. This might be the first time that there is actually an even male-female ratio between the chefs in order to allow a battle of the sexes.

Restaurant Wars automatically causes agita for the cheftestants because they must:

  • Plan a theme for a restaurant in less than 24 hours.
  • Shop for décor and food and prep their meals in five hours.
  • Cook three courses with two options in each course.
  • Train a wait staff of five people in about an hour.
  • Serve 100 people, including the four judges and the other team

So when you throw all that in a blender you basically get an anti-smoothie. (Wow, sorry, but I laughed).

Canteen

The men lose the coin flip and have to cook the first night of service. Their restaurant, Canteen, is laid back and embraces mess hall-chic. Clearly their restaurant needs a woman’s touch, but, alas, they do the best that they can.

The biggest question for each team is: Who will work the front of the house?

Usually the poor chef who gets placed at the front of the house has a mild panic attack in the kitchen while forcing a smile in front of the customers. Ed volunteers, takes the whole thing in stride and kicks some major maître d' ass.

Though the service seems to run well, there is no doubt that the kitchen is quickly falling apart.

The men earlier gave themselves pats on the back for not bickering and having a friendly atmosphere in the kitchen, but they were so friendly that they never elected a leader. The men have no plan for execution, and it is obvious to everyone. Word to the wise: if you want to keep hidden the insanity behind the scenes, close the window into the kitchen.

The men were unable to smoothly execute their food, and Ty and Paul had to leave the kitchen at certain points during service to help get the food sent out correctly.

The judges noticed that the two of them were standing in the dinning area in their chef’s coats trying to pull in the reins of service. Besides that, the judges had issues with every dish that the men sent out.

Ty and Paul’s salmon is bland. Paul’s crab doesn’t have any qualities that stand out. Ty’s Thai food lacks Thai spice as well as flavor in general. Chris’ Cracker Jack dessert gets a divided reaction from the judges. The judges like Ed’s Almond Joy dessert, but it is missing coconut, which everyone knows is the best part of an Almond Joy.

Basically the boys hope that the girls fail, because they need a miracle to win.