By Andrew Conrad, email@example.com
11:43 PM EST, March 2, 2014
If you sent that text message to Daryl Dixon and Beth Greene, this week's episode of "The Walking Dead" would have adequately answered your sparsely worded query.
Rather than sending a ridiculously long Snap Chat video response, Daryl and Beth served as the sole protagonists in Sunday night's episode, "Still".
These episode titles have become more and more clever, and this one refers to the moonshine house that Daryl and Beth stumble upon. (Daryl found it earlier with Michonne, did you know?) Where rednecks make moonshine is called a "still". And Daryl and Beth sit still while they get drunken. Do you see all the meanings?
I'll just cut to the chase since THEY obviously won't: when will Beth and Daryl have a hot French kiss session? I'm just waiting for them to lock lips and play some serious tonsil hockey, and maybe even have some Seven Minutes in Heaven, and then the entire studio audience would go "AHH-WOOOOOOOO!!!!" like when DJ Tanner "made time" with Steve.
I'm sure there are some people out there who are like "Daryl Dixon and Beth Greene making French kisses with each other's lips?? You're sick!" But guess what? Her character is 18, and the actress who plays her is 28, so maybe it's not sketchy and creepy after all. Yes, Daryl is well into his 30s, and the actor who plays him is 45 (!!!), but who are you to stand in the way of romance?
Besides, they haven't even kissed on the cheek yet. The big moment came when Daryl started breaking down after drinking some moonshine, and Beth gave him a nice rear embrace. You know how good that probably felt? In a time of zombies when you know not who is your friend and who might try to eat your medulla oblongata?
In the zombie apocalypse, a warm hug from an attractive young lady is probably about as exhilirating as a speed-of-light hot air balloon ride through a rainbow.
The tension was pretty strong when Daryl and Beth were having that heart-to-heart, though. If they don't at least have some hand-on-bottom action next week, I'll be very surprised.
It seemed like Daryl's game lacks a little polish. Like, hey Daryl, if you're trying to romance a young lady, you invite her into the BACK SEAT of the car, not the trunk. And if the lady wants to drink Peach Schnapps, let the lady drink Peach Schnapps. And if you're trying to set a romantic mood, maybe skinning and grubbing on a big mud snake in front of her isn't the best idea.
This episode had a few big payoffs, as Daryl at long last revealed his back story. He was not a motorcycle repairman, or a bounty hunter, or a community college philosophy professor. He was, in fact, a vagabond, basking in the boozy warmth of ne'er-do-well brother Merle's hazy shadow.
COUNTRY CLUB POLITICS
That was really cool when they stumbled across the Pine Vista Country Club. I knew it was going to be a memorable scene as soon as we saw that corpse draped across the front porch.
The scene inside was a little confusing. Like, did those hanging walkers hang themselves, or what? According to the Talking Dead, the carnage was the result of a class struggle among the country club members and the staff. It's like a much more violent "Caddyshack".
Anyway, that would explain the "Welcome to the dogtrot" graffiti, the ghastly "Rich Bitch" corpse-mannequin art fixture, and the corpses all over the place.
DID YOU KNOW?
DID YOU NOTICE?
Beth: "So you wanna spend the rest of our lives staring into a fire eating mud snakes? Screw that…"
Beth: "Golfers like to booze it up, right?"
Beth: "Who needs a glass?"
Daryl: "Ain't nothing worth seeing out there anyway..."
Daryl: "Well, might as well make the best of it..."
Daryl: "I've never needed a game to get lit before."
Daryl: "I've never eaten frozen yogurt, I've never had a pet pony, never got anything from Santa Clause ...
I've certainly never cut my wrist looking for attention!"
Daryl: "I ain't afraid of nothing."
Beth: "I wish I could feel like this all the time, that's bad."
Daryl: "At least you're a happy drunk."
Daryl: "I was just drifting around with Merle, doing whatever he decided that day. I was nothing, just a redneck a**hole with even a bigger a**hole for a brother."
Beth: "I wish I could just change."
Beth: "You were made for how things are now ... you're gonna be the last man standing … you're gonna miss me so bad when I'm gone Daryl Dixon."
Daryl: "We're gonna need more booze."
BEST ZOMBIE KILL
Definitely Daryl's John Daly, replace-your-divot tee-shot. He looked like one of those golfers on America's Funniest Videos who misses the ball and then flies into a fit of rage, hacking wildly at the turf. There was also the bonus collateral damage of spraying Beth's bourgeois country club cardigan with congealed blood and decomposing brain matter.
Beth was snooping around in the walk-in freezer when this well-dressed skinny zombie came creeping. I guess they're all pretty skinny, but this one was so skinny that it was more of like a puppet. For instance, it looked like a marionette was likely operating it. It looked like it was a character from that Disney ride about a whimsical haunted mansion. And then Beth rended its face open with a jagged broken wine bottle and stabbed it in the forehead with her knife. When you wish upon a star...
Zombies: I counted seven, for 280 on the season.
Humans: None, but those were some awesome corpses at the golf club. 38 so far this season.
What group were those guys who searched Rick's house from? Whose shoe did they find near the train tracks that made Beth cry? What book was Carl reading in the house? What book was Rick reading before those weirdos invaded the house? Who was on the other end of that radio transmission from earlier in the season? What is new with Morgan?
A look ahead to the next episode, "Alone"
Daryl and Beth run away through the woods. Bob, Maggie and Sasha are in a bad way.
Do you think the title of the episode refers to the Tiffany song, and Daryl and Beth are going to "make it"?
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