By Andrew Conrad, firstname.lastname@example.org
8:55 PM EST, November 25, 2012
Ooh, it's about to go down on The Walking Dead! In Sunday night's episode, Merle and the Governor interrogated Glenn and Maggie, respectively (but not respectfully!) and Michonne stumbled into the prison — sending Rick, Daryl and Oscar on a mission to Woodbury. As the episode ended, Rick and Daryl found themselves just outside the formidable walls of Woodbury, while inside, the Governor planned a recon mission to the prison. I reiterate, ooh, it's about to go down.
Especially since during the teaser to next week's episode, the midseason finale I might add, they showed some awesome gunplay going on between Woodbury and our friends from the prison.
I've been fooled by those teasers before, though. They show something that is supposed to happen in "the next episode" and it doesn't happen until like five episodes later.
Some other whack stuff happened this week...
Now I'm not complaining about sweet and sultry Maggie removing her top and showing some skin, but that was kind of messed up when the Governor ordered her to strip down, and then hovered over her like a creepy uncle. He was all up in her business, smelling her hair, implying that he was going to rape her. I don't care what ghastly atrocities they commit against zombies or one-time appearance characters on this show, but they need to keep some things sacred...
And what was going on with this Michael Coleman character? At first I thought that it was actually a zombie that they had healed with some kind of secret Milton elixir Celestial Seasonings tea, but then it turned out that it was just Milton trying to figure out what happened at the moment a person turns into a zombie. He's all making soothing sounds with a singing bowl and talking sweetly to the kindly old man.
Andrea's like, "Dude, you don't know..."
And can we please talk about that hunter/fisherman/hermit who was just chilling in his lean-to like Rip Van Winkle? Rick is like, "Hey bro, we need to hole up here for a few ticks" and the hermit is like "I'ma call the cops!" What the what? Call the cops!? And Rick humors him, like, "I'm a cop!" And even after the guy pulls the trigger, Rick STILL doesn't ice the fool! I think that's showing that Rick has gathered his mind again, because throw-Glenn-up-against-the-wall-and-breathe-heavily Rick would have definitely offed Joe Hunter. Joe Hunter gets blood-feasted anyway. They're all grabbing his entrails like a big all-you-can-eat festival like it's a Dario Argento horror movie from the 70s.
Then, what was up with him just lying in there under the blanket with a dead dog on the floor? It had to stank in there. And what was he doing under the blanket, reading a comic book with a flash light? How did he not know about the zombies? It's been almost a year by now, right?
This week's episode was a little plodding, but I have a feeling next week is going to be sick!
Did you know/notice? (Thanks Talking Dead!)
That thing I said was gonna happen is gonna happen
Remember when I said Rick and Michonne were gonna fall in love and become a power couple? It's starting to happen. You could tell right away when little Carl sees Michonne outside the prison fence and he's like "You can be my new mommy!" And then after Michonne falls into a swoon from the blood loss, Rick is examining her body for zombie bites, and as he pulls her shirt back, revealing her curvaceous hip, he's like "Ooh! Daddy like!" And then he starts pouring precious water all over her chest to reawaken her, like that's proper protocol. Either way, I think a Rick-Michonne french kiss is right around the corner. When Michonne is acting all tough (I wish she'd cut that act out) she's like "I didn't ask for your help!" I wanted Rick to be like "Yeah, well I never asked you to steal the key to my heart, but you went on and did it, you've stolen my foolish heart." And then it would play this song.
But remember when Maggie spilled the beans about the prison? That seemed to say that love and human attachments weaken the resolve. She's like, "I want to save my lover Glenn even if it means the possible death of ten other people I love." What is love? Baby don't hurt me...
I love sick music
I love SO much sick music, you don't even know! Like death metal and 80s rap... So I thought it was really cool when they did that low, pulsing bass background music a couple of times this episode. It was like Goblin's awesome soundtrack to Dawn of the Dead!
Stick to the ultra violence
There was that scene where Daryl is like "Hey, you're gonna wanna see this!" and he leads Rick into the other room. First of all, I was hoping what he was gonna want to see was Hershel doing a performance of one-legged plate spinning. Second of all, when they went in there it was Carol sitting, and then everyone started getting all teary-eyed and blub-blubbing. Then later, Carl's like "Daryl's been calling her Asskicker" (That whole silly-name thing is dumb...) And he says he wants to call her Judith after his third-grade teacher. I was like, what is this, an A Perfect Circle album? I'm sorry, call me Scrooge if you want, but I don't like when they do all these high-emotion scenes. I think Andrew Lincoln (Rick) is a really good actor and does a good job of crying on command, but I'd rather see him take a sharpened cattle prod and jam it into some zombie's forehead.
Carol has nine lives, like a cat. What is she, Ernest "The Cat" Miller?
Tough day on set for Steven Yeun
Glenn gets beat up so bad by Merle. Wreck It Ralph reference: his face looks like Little Mac after he's gotten punched out by Super Macho Man. When Merle holds his knife-hand up against Glenn's face, Glenn is like "This is the worst shave I ever got, and I've paid for shaves at Supercuts, Hair Cuttery and Fantastic Sams!"
Then Merle uses a zombie as a torture device. "Zombie Torture Device", sick Cannibal Corpse song title...
SOO over Andrea
Last week they showed Andrea's sexy legs in the Governor's silky sheets. This week they showed her thong as she pulled on her pants. I'll admit Andrea is kind of pretty with her high cheek bones and curly blonde hair, but now that she is Hanoi Jane I don't want to see her whale tail anymore. She is also turning to the bottle more and more. Now Andrea, I love turning to the bottle as much as the next guy, but the old saying goes, you won't find the answers at the bottom of a bottle. And I don't think Johnny Drum is still plying his craft, so that hooch might run out eventually and you'll have to turn to the 'shiners.
Laying it on a little thick, aren't you Hyundai?
You can win a free Hyundai if you get all the words and enter the code. The Story Sync on AMC features Hyundai ads every five minutes. In the show, they drive a pristine Hyundai Tucson down a country road, kicking up leaves like in a car commercial. I get it, Hyundai, I get it. Maybe if you send me a free Hyundai Tucson I'll drive it around Power Plant Live! and talk about how hip it is. I'll pop my collar and be like "Yo, this Hyundai Tucson is silly fresh, kid!"
I must say, when they were loading that Tucson up for the mission to Woodbury I kind of wanted to jump up from my chair and join them. It looked like a pretty fun car camping trip. Daryl was like "I've got flash bangs and tear gas!" and I'd be like "I've got three 30 packs and a bottle of Evan Williams, six packs of hock dogs and some keilbasa!"
Melissa McBride's List of Reasons Why Carol's Hair Never Grows
(Or the infographic they inserted during a commercial break this week)
Looks like we've got a regular Paula Poundstone here...
Quote boardMerle: "You were an asshole out there, just like you were on that rooftop back there in Atlanta. What y'all did, leavin' me up there? People wouldn't do that to an animal."
Michonne: "The supplies were dropped by a young Asian guy, with a pretty girl."
Michonne: "Don't you ever touch me again!"
Michonne: "There's a town, Woodbury, about 75 survivors, I think they were taken there ... it's run by this guy who calls himself the Governor. Pretty boy, charming, Jim Jones type."
Merle: "I'll bake a cake with pink frosting, would they like that? Aint nobody coming..."
Merle: "He's gonna do nothing, not if he wants little Bo Peep back."
Merle: "There ain't a pair of nuts between the whole pussy lot of ye."
Daryl: "I got the flash bangs, I got the tear gas... you never know what you're going to need."
Merle: "All right, I want you to imagine how I felt fighting my way off that roof, one hand, losing blood, walkers chompin' down at me every step of the way."
Milton: "He volunteered to be the test subject. He's been very cooperative, he's a remarkable man."
Andrea: "There is no unconscious mind, Milton. When they turn, they become monsters, that's all. Whoever they once were is gone."
Merle: "Maybe a winter in the sticks put some hair on his balls."
Rick: "I know what you did for me, for my baby while I was working things out. Thank'yee."
Daryl: "I guess Lassie went home."
Daryl: "Remember the Alamo!"
Milton: "Did you see that? He responded!"
Milton: "My name is Milton Mamet, please raise your right hand!"
Milton: "I think I'd like to record my findings while they're fresh."
Governor: "We're through with games, now one of you is gonna give up your camp."
Governor: "This group with your brother at its core has done something you told me couldn't be done, they did it ... your brother might be out there right now searching for them. Blood is blood right? Makes me wonder where your loyalties lie..."
Governor: "It's over now, it's all right."
What everyone is up to
Rick: Recollecting his sanity and leading Daryl, Michonne and Oscar on a mission to kill a rogue hunter and find Woodbury.
Carl: Getting the nod from Rick Grimes to protect the prison.
Glenn: Getting his face all bopped up by Merle and killing a zombie while his arms are duct taped to a chair.
Daryl: Helping Rick and Oscar find Woodbury with Michonne.
Carol: Rejoining the general prison population and triggering a big emotional tears-of-joy fest.
Hershel: Tending to Michonne's leg wound.
Maggie: Being interrogated by the Governor, removing her top under durress and spilling the beans about the prison.
Beth: Standing around getting all teary eyed.
Andrea: Helping Milton care for a senior citizen, and then stabbing that senior citizen through the top of the skull.
Michonne: Making her way into the prison and not trusting anyone, before joining Rick Grimes and Co. on a mission to Woodbury.
The Governor: Acting real creepy around Maggie, and getting paranoid about the prison camp.
Merle: Becoming racist again and stealing Glenn in the grill a bunch of times.
Axel: Crossing his arms over his chest and offering to raid Woodbury, but being turned down. He should be very concerned about his chances for survival in next week's midseason finale. I guess he's still tinkering with that generator?
Oscar: Being upgraded to the inner circle, killing a zombie, and helping scope out Woodbury.
Milton: Sipping Tetley tea and performing cruel and unusual experiments on gentle old men.
Best zombie kill
Just for the degree of difficulty, it has to go to Glenn bopping around on the chair and then jamming that broken piece of wood through the side of that guy's dome.
That one that was standing next to Michonne acting all cool, and then out of the blue turned to her like "Hello! What have we here?" His make-up wasn't even that great, he just looked like some Kohls shopper or something, but it's always creepy when you think you're all good, and then some zombie standing right next to you is like "HISSSSSS!!!"
Zombies: 15 (seven by Rick, two by Carl, two by Michonne, one by Andrea, one by Daryl, one by Glenn and one by Oscar for 159 on the season.
Humans: Irrational Rip Van Winkle hunter, stabbed through the nape of his neck and upper chest by Michonne for his unacceptable behavior, for 18 on the season.
A look ahead to next week's episode, "Made to Suffer"
Carl protects the prison, Daryl and Rick gab about what's going on and they lay siege upon Woodbury. Andrea primps herself in the Governor's chambers and looks at a picture of his deceased family, then discusses town business with him before he stares in the mirror like Patrick Bateman. Michonne sneaks into the Governor's chambers and releases Penny, not knowing that she's a zombie (cause there's a bag over her head). Hilarity ensues.
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