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'The Real Housewives of Miami' recap, 'Bridesmaid Breakdown'

WeddingsFamilyMarriageCharlie Sheen

“Winning!” Lisa’s closing statement on tonight’s episode of "Real Housewives of Miami" couldn’t be any more dead-on.

The ladies are winning because there seems to be peace amongst the soldiers. We’re winning because we get to see the full cast in one room without slaps flying or words cutting deep. So yes, Lisa Hochstein, we really are winning.

But, it didn’t start this way. In fact, this episode had more make-ups and break-ups than an episode of "Love Connection."

Joanna shows us just how stressed out she is with her wedding while making phone calls to her dress designer, wedding planner and florist. She hates the flowers, has doubled her budget and might not get the chance for the final fitting of her dress. When she makes calls for support from her husband-to-be and her sister/maid of honor... Nothing. This gets her even more frustrated, and she begins to dwell on the fact that her sister really has no intention of being the best maid of honor she can be. Joanna admits that she has to let her sister go, but at the same time she doesn’t understand why Marta doesn’t WANT to be a bigger part of her big sister’s dream wedding.

On the flip side, in a story line I personally didn’t see coming until about a week or so ago, Lea is building her brand! As a person who has studied branding and entrepreneurship in college, this is absolutely my favorite storyline thus far.

We check in with Lea as she’s going over logistics with her staff about the new design on her product boxes and she elaborates on her purses and skincare line. She says she has always been asked if she’s gotten a little surgical help in keeping her face so fresh, but swears she only uses creams and ointments.

Her first event of the episode (because yes, she has two events tonight) is the unveiling of her purse collection at Rene Ruiz boutique. She claims she always has bags made specially for her, and says people are always asking where she gets her bags. Thus, the business was born.

At the event we find Lisa, Alexia, Joanna and, of course, Lea. Lisa sees this as the perfect chance to tell Lea that she needs to break her wall down and attempt to become friends with Adriana again. I love Lisa so much... But is this really the time?

Joanna then gets involved and, in true Joanna fashion, escalates the issue from a 2 to about a 200. Screaming F-bombs left and right and going back to the slap given to her at Lisa’s lingerie party last year, Joanna goes into a very dark place very quickly. She screams at Lisa and accuses her of always taking up for Adriana and says she is “stirring the pot.” She continues to belittle Lisa in front of all of Lea’s guests until Lisa speaks up, calling Joanna delusional, to which Joanna says, “Delusional? You’re f***ing delusional. You’re not in my wedding, you’re not my f***ing bridesmaid. Get the f*** out of here.”

Does Joanna know she’s not home?

Well, Lisa decides to show her that Lea’s event is in the public domain, by stating she’s not going anywhere and plopping down on a nearby couch. Lea offers us an out from this uncomfortable situation by saying, “If you’re gonna fight, at least promote my handbags. Pick up a bag and slap the bitch with it.”

Lisa makes her way out with Alexia. “She wants me to kick me out of the wedding party? That’s fine! It’s five hours away by plane and on a Thursday. Like, who even gets married on a Thursday night?” At this point, the other ladies come out and seem to be attacking her again. Lisa insists that fighting in the streets is not classy and that she doesn’t do that -- as she jumps in her Lamborghini and speeds away. No, literally. She speeds away and then says that in her mind she ran Joanna over.

Joanna has a conversation with Romain about her fight with Lisa and starts to see that maybe her stress about Marta not being a huge help with her wedding is affecting her relationships with other people.

Lea’s second event tonight is the grand unveiling of the ballroom and kitchen in her home. The designers have done a beautiful job taking a home that could have been decorated by Liberace himself, and making it super-modern. Good for you, Lea Black.

The main ladies are all in attendance, as is Dr. Karent Sierra from season 2 of RHOM. Everyone has apparently entered this party with an open mind and an open heart. Let the healing begin.

Lisa comes in and awkwardly dives behind a plant when she sees Joanna, but Karent calls her over to chat. Lisa (who is holding a champagne flute full of Chandon) says she needs to get a drink. Oops.

Joanna goes to Lisa, pulls her aside and lets her know about all the stresses she has been going through with her wedding and Marta. She apologizes for the things she said. After Lisa is once again part of the wedding party, we all know it must be time for the big chat between Adriana and Lea.

The two have a tear-filled conversation about how they never meant for things to go this far, and how Adriana is so grateful for all the things Lea was able to do for her family, and how she never meant to hurt her best friend. We find out that Lea’s feelings are still intact; she admits to secretly attending Adriana’s son’s graduation the day before.

The two ladies agree to move on and see what time can heal.

This brings me back to the first sentence I wrote. Joanna invites Adriana to her wedding and admits that she too would like to start to build a better relationship with her former nemesis. The ladies all bring it in for a group hug. Lisa says what we all are feeling during this saccharin moment -- Charlie Sheen truly said it best, “Winning!”

Copyright © 2014, The Baltimore Sun
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