Meanwhile, Mikey T., a/k/a “Mr. Let’s Clear The Air,” pulls Ben aside and tells him that he’s only nice to the guys when the cameras are there and isn’t genuine. Ben responds that he is not a backstabber and compliments Mikey’s shoes. That makes Mikey happy. Seriously, Mikey is a woman.
Des and Drew are sitting in front of the fireplace having a nice conversation until Brandon interrupts. Which was a good thing, because five more minutes in front of that fireplace and Drew’s hair gel would have gone up in flames.
Brandon takes Des outside to tell her his tale of woe: his Dad left when he was five, his mom moved the family every two years, mom was a drug addict, he was a truant, he changed diapers, raised his sister, etc. etc. etc. Des probably wants to say “Listen buddy, I grew up in a tent with Brother Nate, so save your sob story,” but instead gives him a hug. Brandon doesn’t need a wife; he needs a good therapist.
At the end of the night, our resident villain Ben gets the group-date rose.
One-on-One with Bryden
The next one-on-one date goes to Bryden and involves driving around California while eating snacks from a convenience store. The day-long date includes flying a kite at the beach, eating tacos, running through an orange grove, having a picnic and discovering that Bryden doesn’t know what brie is. Should have packed Kraft Yellow American Slices. They have that in Montana. He breaks the record for using the word AMAZING so often in one sentence. She looks AMAZING, this date is AMAZING, the car is AMAZING...
As day turns into night, Des and Bryden pull up to an inn in Ojai where they have dinner on the lawn, under the trees. Des is quite used to eating this way; it is the same as the view from outside of her tent growing up. And what dinner wouldn’t be complete without a sob story? Bryden tells Des about the construction accident that caused his collapsed lung and 100 staples in his head. Oh,and by the way, he happens to have pictures in his pocket to prove it! Des loves the pictures and gives him a rose.
After dinner, they head to the hot tub, where Bryden gets nervous and Des demands, “Just kiss me already.” Bryden is ever the good soldier and obeys her command. Bryden seems like a nice guy, but his bowl haircut reminds me of Lloyd from "Dumb & Dumber." Google it.
Michael G. decides that this is the right time to tell Des that he has Type 1 diabetes. He launches into a long, boring story about the phone call from the doctor with his blood sugar levels. Just as Des’s eyes are about to roll to the back of head out of boredom from listening to “As The Diabetes Turns,” Ben swoops in and takes Des away from Michael.
Michael takes it like a man and goes running into the other room, summoning the guys and telling them how big bad Ben took Des away from him! Mikey T. is particularly miffed because “I already had a talk with him.” Meanwhile, Ben is out back for round two of his make out session with Des and mistakenly believes he is the only one who has kissed Des so far. Clearly Brooks and Bryden’s taste has faded.
When Ben finally comes back inside, the men attack! Michael G. makes a federal case about Ben moving in on his diabetes story time, tells him that he’s rubbing the guys the wrong way and lets him know that he doesn’t care if they are friends or not. Uh, OK Michael, if you don’t care, then shut the heck up already. The next meeting of the #ihateben2013 club commences, and after gossiping like a bunch of women at the hair salon, the guys decide that Ben is not there for the right reason. There are so many members of this club that they change the name to #wehateben2013.
Brian realizes this is a good time to talk to Des and sweeps her off her feet (literally) and carries her off to a couch for some private time. He tells her that his last relationship ended a few months ago, and that he is ready to find love again.
Chris Harrison walks in and must smell the increased estrogen in the air because he comments on the high level of drama in the house. Fortunately, he brought some Midol with him to help the ladies with their bloating.
Ben, Bryden and Brooks already have roses and the remaining roses go to James, Kasey, Dan, Juan Pablo, Brad, Chris, Brian, Zak W., Drew, Mikey T., Zack, Michael G., and Brandon. Heading off to the ride of shame home are Will, Robert and Nick M. They say they are heartbroken and hurt, and take this rejection a little too seriously.
Next week: Which one of our guys is the “lying, cheating, deceitful pig” with a girlfriend?