Holla at ‘cha Brother Nate
It’s Week 8 of "The Bachelorette" which means time for the hometown dates! I’m not sure how they are going to top last week’s “picnic on a go-kart track” date, but hopefully Des’ potential future ex-fiance’s family has something exciting in store for her.
The remaining four guys: Chris (I will write another poem for you my dear, I hope the viewers don’t shove a pen in their ear), Brooks (I don’t know the difference between an adjective and a verb), Drew (I may be gay which means I am not here for the right reason, but my hair looks really good) and Zak (I look like Alvin from Alvin and the Chipmunks and am not sure how I managed to stick around for this long).
The first hometown date goes to Zak from Dallas. Zak tells Des that she is going to meet his crazy family, but first, he bores her to death with the details about a dream he had about her the night before. Des feigns interest, but could care less and can’t follow a word he is saying. I am completely distracted by Zak chewing on a pencil.
Shortly after the dream conversation, Zak runs around the corner and returns in the family snow cone truck. Des is excited to serve snow cones to some kids at a local elementary school, but not as excited as she is when Zak appears in a penguin suit and dances for the kiddies. Des tells the kids that the penguin is her boyfriend. She can totally see herself having a life of goofiness with Zak, which is Des’ attempt to justify keeping Zak around for so long and schlepping to Dallas to meet his “crazy” family.
When they are done scaring the neighborhood children with the creepy dancing penguin schtick, they drive the snow cone truck to Zak’s parent’s house where we meet his very excited mother Maryann, his no name dad, brother Denton and sister Carly. I hope ABC was paying attention because Denton is hot and should be the next Bachelor.
After a short conversation and an eye roll from Denton about Zak’s shirtless limo entrance, Zak’s family turns into the Partridge Family and sing Des a little ditty, complete with the chorus “Oh Desiree now we can see, your place among our family.” As soon as Carly started singing, Des could barely keep a straight face and deserved an academy award for being able to turn her smirking laughter at the song into tears of joy at their desire to have her join their family.
Although Zak’s family was disappointed when they realized they were not going to be on the next season of American Idol, they all agreed that Zak seemed happy and would welcome Des into their family. Zak tops off the visit by telling Des that he loves her and presenting her with a “promise” ring that he bought in Atlantic City and has been carrying with him in his travels around the world.
Next up is a trip to Scottsdale, Ariz., where Malibu Ken admits that he has fallen in love with Des and is excited to introduce her to his family. Drew tells Des that before they meet his mom, dad, sisters, brother, niece and nephew, they will be picking up his severely mentally handicapped sister Melissa from her group home. Melissa is happy to see them, and in that instant Drew becomes America’s number one brother.
Drew has fallen in love with Des, but admits that he hasn’t said the 3 words in that order. I guess he has said “You love I” and “Love You I” and “I You Love,” but is finally ready for “I love you.” His family says they have never seen him this way- meaning with a girl I guess.
Meanwhile, Drew’s dad, who is wearing a pink and white checkered shirt, asks Des if she believes in angels and if she has ever met one? He goes on to explain that Melissa is their angel and that Drew wanted her to know that. Very sweet.
Drew and his mom talk about how he is ready to propose. Drew’s mom rubs his hands as they speak, which is a little unsettling. Dad in the pink and white checkered shirt says “if you want to marry this girl I will throw a party.” Um, hello Dad, it’s called a wedding.
Drew knows it’s time to put the three words in the right order and doesn’t waste any time blurting it out the driveway. Drew is overwhelmed by love and says that he will be an engaged man next time he sees his family; despite the promos of him leaving next week.
We now head to McMinnville, Ore., to meet Chris and his family. Chris is excited to show Des where he learned how to play soccer and baseball and write crappy poems. Chris picked her some weeds and they walk to his old little league field. He played professional baseball so what is more appropriate than having a catch with the girl you love?
After Des shows Chris that she can catch and bat, she steals an idea out of Zak’s playbook and pulls out a sketch pad with pictures that she drew which represented all of her and Chris’ dates. They sit on the field of dreams, talk and kiss.
Des and Chris head to his parent’s house where they have dinner with his mom, dad, sisters, brother and lots of other “quirky” family members. The quirkiest of all was his dad the chiropractor who took Des down to his basement, bent her over a chiropractic table and insisted upon giving her a full adjustment/massage to align her after all she has been through. I think he copped a feel during the “adjustment.” As if that weren’t bad enough, Chris goes down to the basement and his dad gives him some kind of nose cleaning with a syringe!
Chris’ family ultimately gives their approval and the date ended before his dad decides someone needed an enema.