Welcome to Sunday night, rose lovers!
We are being treated to an extra-special two hours of "The Bachelorette" on a Sunday. Last week, Drunk Craig and Fireman Carl were sent home. I’m really going to miss Drunk Craig and hopes he finds his way back to the “Men Tell All” episode. Either that or a good rehab.
Andi is still looking for love and wants everyone to know that this is real to her. It’s really real and she adds a “y’all” for emphasis.
Already fed up with the hustle and bustle of Los Angeles, Andi and her suitors are hitting the road and heading a whopping hour-and-a-half north to Santa Barbara. Andi feels this change is going to make things more serious and romantic. And maybe real.
Upon hearing the news that they are going to Santa Barbara, the guys muster up phony applause.
The date card arrives and reads, “Nick -- Let’s Ride Off Into The Sunset.”
Nick arrives in Santa Barbara and starts his “normal” date with Andi. They go on a normal bike ride. Take a normal walk to the beach. They walk in the water. Normally. They have normal conversation. Andi is so excited to be normal and have a normal date, but those of us forced to watch are bored to death by all this "normal."
Back at the mansion, Andrew and Marcus are sitting outside shirtless, having an in-depth conversation about Nick and whether Nick is there for the right reasons. They give him a 50/50 chance of coming home with a rose. I bet it took a lot of brain power to come up with those odds.
Back on the normal/boring date, Andi and Nick pedal their bikes up Lizard's Mouth, park next to a rock and then hike to THE top. They have a picnic, watch the sunset and talk about feelings and emotions. The conversation is boring and I had to stop playing 2048 numerous times and focus on the Andi/Nick/Normal/Boring date.
Nick confesses that he feels like a 12-year-old boy with a crush. Andi thinks he is sweet, vulnerable, open and honest. I am impressed that they can hike with glasses of wine and not spill a drop. They reach the top and hold each other while the sun sets. Nick has bad hair.
After biking and hiking are over, it’s time for dinner at a courthouse in Santa Barbara, which symbolizes the career Andi has twice abandoned in her quest to find love. Nick is wearing some type of knock-off Members Only jacket. An original Members Only jacket is bad enough, but this thing is awful, with pockets on the shoulder and chest and an up-turned collar.
After getting over the horror of the jacket, Andi questions Nick about his past and asks “How are you single?” Nick digs deep and tells Andi that he had seven-and-a-half-year relationship that started when he was 18, then after that ended he met someone when he was 27 with whom he had an “immature relationship” and got engaged “for a minute.”
Then he mumbles something unintelligible. Nick talks fast and mumbles and I wasn’t able to make out most of what he said, despite rewinding the scene numerous times, jacking up the volume and squinting at the TV.
Andi must be able to make out what he is saying, because Nick gets the rose. Speaking of make out, after dinner they climb to the top of the clock tower and Nick sucks on her neck for a while until she turns around and they share their first kiss. Andi feels giddy and romantic and she says that Nick has potential. I guess Nick is what you call a “fixer-upper.”
Back in L.A., the Group Date Card arrives and invites Marquel (still in his beanie), Brian, Cody, Tasos, Brett, Unknown Ron, Opera Man Bradley, Josh, Eric, Andrew, Patrick and Marcus to “Let’s Start Things Off on the Right Note.”
The guys arrive at The Music Academy of the West and find Andi waiting for them, wearing a white tank and black leather shorts. Patrick breaks from the pack and runs to be the first to hug her. He is very proud of this accomplishment.
Everyone knows that the potential test for finding true love is the ability to sing with a Grammy winning group, and when the guys file into Hahn Hall they are greeting by Boyz II Men, who are now Boyz II Middle-Aged Men. Marquel squeals like a school girl and gushes about their “iconic” song “I’ll Make Love To You.” Brian recalls falling in love in 7th grade to their music, and Eric says, “I’m pretty sure I touched my first butt in 7th grade to 'I’ll Make Love To You.'” Sweet.
Speaking of “I’ll Make Love To You,” Andi tells the guys that this is the song that has been chosen for them to sing on their group date. Bradley is confident that he is in his element (he is Opera Man after all) and breaks into an opera version of the song. It’s awful.