Back at the hotel, the date card arrives and asks Sharleen, “Are you my Seoul mate?” Someone asks “What do you think that means?” Sharleen responds “I think we will explore Seoul.” Really Sharleen, ya think? Clare looks dumbfounded and declares that Sharleen is not right for Juan Pablo. Sharleen says she is excited about the date, but looks about as excited as someone who just stepped in gum.
In an effort to get ready for his date, Juan Pablo showers and we are forced to watch him wash his left breast and arm pit. He is no Shirtless Sean and I can do without the Juan-Pablo-in-the-shower scenes.
Sharleen is happy that she got the one-on-one date and is hoping to fall in love, because as of right now she ain’t feeling it. Juan Pablo says that Sharleen is one of his favorites. Everyone in America is staring at their TVs with very confused looks on their faces and asking, “why?”
Sharleen and Juan Pablo’s date consists of walking through a market in Seoul, and Sharleen saying that she feels like she is walking through a market in Seoul. They try on traditional outfits and eat unfamiliar food off of toothpicks, then go to a tea house for some serious conversation -- during which Sharleen impresses Juan Pablo with her use of the word "bland." He is wearing yellow pants and a blue shirt and I wish he would stop taking fashion tips from whoever keeps telling him that real men wear pastel pants.
Before dinner, Juan Pablo takes Sharleen to a courtyard and begs her to sing for him. She is all like OMG I could NEVER do that on a first date and OH MY I have to be really comfortable with someone before I could do that. Give me a break, Sharleen, and just sing already.
She warms up her lips, belts out a few notes and Juan Pablo is impressed. She slinks over to him and grabs his bottom lip. As if last week’s Sharleen/Juan Pablo kiss wasn’t bad enough, Sharleen leans in for another round of world’s-worst-kissing. This time, instead of Sharleen being frozen like a dead fish, she leads with her tongue and passionately kisses him. In response, Juan Pablo chews on her bottom lip. I have to remember to watch these kisses with my hands over my face, peeking through my fingers. Despite his teeth marks on her lip, Sharleen decides that she really does like Juan Pablo, and “there is a shot that we could fall in love.”
At the end of the night, Sharleen thanks Juan Pablo for a perfect date. He tells her he “gets her” and that makes her heart stop. Juan Pablo then asks how many kids she wants. Sharleen looks at him like he asked her to squeeze the pimples on his back and she says “me?” No, not you, I’m asking the waitress -- of course you, Sharleen.
He reminds her that he has a daughter (as if anyone could forget that) and repeats the question. More crickets. After stumbling around a bit, Sharleen finally admits that she dated a man with a four-year-old daughter and she really didn’t like it too much. Instead of repeating that he is on this “adventura” to find a wife and step-mom for Cameeellla and that not liking kids is a deal breaker, he tells Sharleen that he appreciates her honesty and gives her the rose, which is basically giving Cameeelllla the big F.U.
Juan Pablo has lots of ‘splaining to do -- he gave the rose to a woman who is appalled by children, despite the fact that he tells everyone he has to do the right thing for Cameeelllla. The right thing for Cameeellla would be for you to drop these crazies and go home and take her to the park on Friday. Instead, he gives the rose to the one woman who pretty much hates kids. “I like who you are, that you’re different. I appreciate your honesty. Will you essept theeese rose?” Cameeellla becomes a more distant memory with each word.
Second Group Date a/k/a Reject Group Date
While Sharleen is honestly telling Juan Pablo that she hates kids, the second group-date card arrives and says “Let’s Get Krazy.”
Lauren S. (who?); Andi (prosecutor); Clare (stage 5 clinger/psychopath); Renee (House Therapist); Alli (I have no idea who she is); and Kelly (Miss Piggy/Dog Lover) are supposed to be singing karaoke in a tiny dollhouse room to songs they have never heard before and lyrics that are not written in English. Instead they dance around the small room and sing “na na na.”
When they are finished with “karaoke,” they get some of Kat’s mother’s homemade lemonade in a zip lock bag, walk the streets, take pictures in photo booths, ride in paddle boats and eventually stumble across a place called “Dr. Fish Zone” for pedicures, which consist of putting your feet in a pool of fish who eat the dead skin off your rotting planks. Renee’s feet seem popular with the fish and Clare is extremely jealous that Renee has disgusting feet and she doesn’t.
When the fish are sufficiently full, it is time for Juan Pablo and his “second shift of merry followers” to hit the streets of Seoul and eat some octopus; all except for Clare that is. Clare does not eat octopus and refuses, until Juan Pablo chants “Clare Clare Clare.” Clare finally manages to choke down the octopus, but not before it makes one last visit to the top of Clare’s mouth. Clare gags for effect, but then emerges victorious over the octopus.
Kelly is annoyed by Clare’s antics, calls her a lunatic and says “I know she has swallowed bigger things than that before.” Oh SNAP!
Flesh-eating fish and octopus on a stick behind us, it is now time for the night portion of the date. Andi says that all the girls are starting to think about kissing Juan Pablo, so let the games begin!
Renee takes the first stab at locking lips with her Latin lover by asking what Cameeella would think about her daddy kissing another woman. Despite her attempt to use Cameeella as kissing bait, Juan Pablo ain’t biting. Instead, he says that he wants to be a good role model to Cameeella and that he doesn’t want for her to see him kissing lots of women.
He seems to have forgotten all about chewing Sharleen’s bottom lip off the night before, not to mention the five other women he has sucked face with already. He also seems to forget that Cameeella is only four years old and shouldn’t even be watching this show. And if we are talking about him being a good role model, he never should have said that gay people were perverted. I rest my case on Juan Pablo not being a “good” role model.
Speaking of resting my case, prosecutor Andi and Juan Pablo sit on the side of a road, lean on a guard rail and talk. He calls her beautiful and plays “got your nose.” After a few “Aye Aye Ayes” and no “Kiss Kiss Kiss,” he leans his head back and falls asleep.
Lauren is next and isn’t wasting any time by making small talk. She goes right up to him, puts her arms around him to dance, leans in and asks for a “beso.” He gives her the “I want to be a good role model for my daughter” line; she calls him out on kissing the other girls and then cries and makes a fool of herself.