All is going well until BAM! Lucy drags him to to the couch, gets in his face and asks “Am I making you nervous?” She flings her dirty bare feet over his lap and, in a show of someone who doesn’t respect personal space, gets way-too-close for comfort. I bet she is a face talker -- you know, those people who get right in your face when they talk to you? I shudder at the thought. Remember, this is the girl who humped Chris Harrison’s leg when he told her she was going to be on the show.

Continuing with the too-close-for-comfort theme, Amy J. so happens to find a massage table and essential oils outside by the pool and goes right to work, showing Juan Pablo her special talents and getting essential oil all over his nice suit. Amy undresses a very uncomfortable Juan Pablo and rubs his ass while telling him they have a lot in common. She massages him, makes the porn face and moans.

Chris Harrison arrives with the first impression rose and Kylie starts whining that if she doesn’t get a rose, she is going to be devastated. She should be more devastated by the fact that she looks like cotton candy.

Lauren H. chews her nails and says she deserves a rose because her love life sucks. As opposed to the other girls who all have booming relationships back home but decided they had nothing better to do than subject themselves to public ridicule and humiliation.

Chelsie gets some alone time with Juan Pablo in the photo booth and finally wipes the lipstick off his face while they are taking pictures. He asks her how many children she wants, and she answers “all of them.” I guess that’s a good thing, because the hospital usually makes you take them home. Chelsie comments that all the photos they took have only his face and that she has been cut out. Take that as a sign of things to come, Chelsie.

Elise is in love and she knows this will work out because her dead mom sent her to Juan Pablo.

While the girls are sharing stories about their time with Juan Pablo, or lack thereof, Lauren is sitting around with her sour puss covered in too much makeup, complaining about insecurities and feeling a little broken. A little broken? That’s like saying that Clare was a little bit fake pregnant.  She is so broken that she can’t seem to pull herself together enough to go over and talk to Juan Pablo, so instead she sits around and cries.

Juan Pablo is eventually steered towards Lauren H., who at first seems to have pulled herself together, but spends the entire time talking about her broken engagement and how she is over it. Sure you are. Juan Pablo is desperately looking for the nearest exit.

The strangest part of the night is when Juan Pablo sits with Sharleen, the very poised opera singer. She tells him a story about pea-soup with a wiener in it, and he runs into the next room to grab the first impression rose. He comes back with the rose, sits next to her, hands her the rose and says, “I think you are very elegant and I like the way you are. Will you assep theeese rose.” Sharleen looks at him like he is handing her a handful of steaming dog poop, and after about eight seconds says, “Sure, yeah sure.” She thanks him, calls him sir a few times and walks off. Strangest first-impression rose to date.

Rose Ceremony

Finally, it is time to send the real crazies home. Roses go to:

Clare, Nikki, Renee, Andi, Alli, Chantal, Lauren S. Kelly, Cassandra, Danielle, Chelsie, Kat, Victoria, Christy, Lucy, Elise and Amy L.

The awkward moment of the night came when Juan Pablo called out “Kat” and Kylie stepped forward. Juan Pablo quickly shooed her back into the crowd, despite her plea that he give them both a rose, and we all knew Kylie’s time was up.

Adios for now!