Sharleen, who has done a 180 and is now hot for Juan Pablo, realizes that she better do something fast or she will be on the next train to Canada/Germany ASAP. She reaches over and attempts to give him a real kiss, but instead we are treated to her open mouth, sloppy tongue, gross kiss. Epic Kiss Fail! That was the second worst kiss in "Bachelor" history, but Sharleen doesn’t see it that way and is pretty satisfied that she will get the group-date rose.
In the end, the Group-Date Rose goes to Nikki, the only one who didn’t leave snail-like saliva marks across Juan Pablo’s face.
Second Juan-on-Juan Date
The second one-on-one date card arrives and asks Chelsie, “Do You Trust Me?” Elise is very unhappy that her significantly younger -- and by that, I mean two-years-younger -- archenemy Chelsie got the date. Elise shows her hard-gained maturity by spending countless hours whining to anyone who will listen that Chelsie is too young, seems like a baby and isn’t ready to be a step-mom.
Not deterred by Elise’s two-year maturity advantage, Chelsie hops in Juan Pablo’s car, singing and car-dancing to Spanish music despite not knowing the words. Their first stop is a Venezuelan restaurant, where they fill up on fried foods so delicious that they take some to go. They walk to their next destination, still eating and drinking out of cardboard boxes, and arrive at their next activity: Bungee Jumping from the top of a bridge.
Upon seeing “the high dive on crack,” Chelise gets very nervous and exclaims that she has never jumped off a large object before. I guess Chelsie spends all her time jumping off small objects. I’m thinking that the Venezuelan food probably wasn’t a good idea, and it’s just a matter of time before it is splattered all over Juan Pablo.
Instead of saying “NO WAY AM I JUMPING OFF THIS BRIDGE,” Chelsie stands on the edge of the platform, whining, crying, whimpering and hiding her face in Juan Pablo’s chest. Juan Pablo tells her “It’s OK,” “I’m here” and my personal favorite, “Just do it for me,” like a 17-year-old boy in the back of a car on prom night.
After begging for hours, which could be considered foreplay for some couples, Chelsie eventually gives in and takes the plunge. The jump ends happily, with Juan Pablo and Chelsie sharing their first kiss while hanging upside down by their ankles.
No tandem bridge jump would be complete without a love metaphor, and Chelsie doesn’t let us down. “I think if we can jump off a bridge together, we can pretty much get through anything.” Chelsie has proven that she trusts Juan Pablo, which I don’t understand; it’s not like Juan Pablo secured the harnesses or tied the knots around their ankles -- now THAT would be trust!
Over dinner, Chelsie asks Juan Pablo about his fears. He replies that he fears not being an example to his daughter. HMMMM.
Meanwhile, back at the mansion, Elise is being a bad example by continuously trash-talking Chelsie. Kat can barely contain an eye-roll and points out to Elise that Chelsie is only a couple of years younger than 27-year-old Elise. Elise is not deterred and continues with the “Chelsie is too young” campaign, like whatever she says to the women will make any difference to Juan Pablo.
Despite Elise’s concerns about Chelsie’s age, Juan Pablo thinks that she is “wife material.” She gets the rose and a private concert by Billy Currington, which is perfect for Chelsie -- she actually knows the words to his songs.
Breakfast and Pool Party
Juan Pablo arrives early in the morning, fresh from a trip to the grocery store. He wants to make the ladies breakfast and see them with “no makeup, no hair done.” He starts cooking and Kelly comes down first, hair in pony tail, no make-up, thick glasses and no bra. Upon seeing Juan Pablo, Kelly moans, hides her face and runs up the stairs to “put her face on.” Renee walks in and announces that she hasn’t even brushed her teeth yet and Juan Pablo likes that she is a natural. No Juan Pablo, that is called being a mother, because we don’t have time to worry about things like make-up or showering or other luxuries.
After breakfast, Juan Pablo announces “Chris Harrison-style” that in lieu of a cocktail party, he would prefer a pool party, so he can see the girls in a more natural state: their natural white teeth, their natural tans, their natural blonde hair and their natural breasts all make an appearance. What ensues is lots of cannon balls, splashing and overflowing breasts in two-sizes-too-small bikini tops.
Kat wants to position herself well during this pool party, and does so by climbing on Juan Pablo’s shoulders, neck-humping him with her crotch while her bongos play “Babaloo” on his head. Dog-lover Kelly sneers and gets catty when she calls Kat a whore, but really is just mad that she didn’t think of climbing on Juan Pablo first.
Sharleen is starting to feel out of her element and complains how people change when the cameras are around. Has she not seen this show before? Clare is jealous that she hasn’t had any time with Juan Pablo all week and I’m starting to wonder if any of these women actually understand the premise of this show.
Sharleen takes Juan Pablo aside and tells him that she’s not sure she is right for this and that the cameras are invading her soul, which is pretty much her way of making him feel bad because she signed up for a televised dating show. She tells him her soul wants to be left alone, then starts crying and snotting into his shirt. He mumbles some words of reassurance and Sharleen’s soul immediately perks up! Sharlene kisses Juan Pablo while the hens at the pool cackle and call her a bitch.
Clare is so distraught when she sees Sharleen and Juan Pablo together that she runs to the bathroom crying. House therapist Renee follows her in and soothes her troubled heart. Renee needs to start carrying an appointment book and accepting Obamacare. Renee correctly diagnoses Clare with “First Date Curse” and suggests that she spend some time with Juan Pablo, once again forgetting that she is competing against this woman.
The moment we have been waiting two hours for. Nikki, Chelsie and Cassandra have roses and the remaining roses go to:
Andi, Renee, Kelly, Sharleen, Elise, Kat, Alli, Clare, Lauren and Danielle, who looks like she just got out of the pool, towel dried her hair and threw on a dress. Lucy and her dirty feet are sent home, as is some blonde girl whose name I didn’t know until her exit interview. In case you are wondering, her name is Christy but don’t bother remembering it.