Juan Pablo gives a stupid answer that doesn’t impress Dad Hy. Instead of just “essepting” that Dad Hy doesn’t like him, Juan Pablo tries to get Dad Hy to give his blessing, to which Dad Hy responds, “Let’s reverse the situation and pretend it’s your daughter who has been going out with a guy who is dating three other women.” Oh snap! Dad Hy 1, Juan Pablo 0.
Meanwhile in another room sister Rachel tells Andi she doesn’t see a connection between her and Juan Pablo. Despite her family’s disapproval of the situation (or maybe in spite of it) Andi ends the evening feeling a stronger connection to Juan Pablo and declares that she is “very very close to being in love with him.”
In the end, Dad Hy refuses to give his blessing to a man who is deciding between four women. Juan Pablo is unfazed and appreciates his honesty.
Our next stop is Sarasota, Florida, where Renee is so excited to see her son Ben that she says she is literally going to eat him. But before we can reunite mother and child, Renee must have her date with Juan Pablo.
They meet up at the beach, hug and walk to a little league field for a picnic while they wait for Ben to arrive. Ben comes out of a random car, runs over to Renee and they are very happy to see each other. Juan Pablo walks over, calls him “buddy,” shakes his hand and tries too hard to talk to him. Ben is pretty quiet and is likely thinking, "Who is the douchebag in the red flip flops with my mom and why does he keep trying to talk to me?"
Renee and Juan Pablo watch as Ben makes all kinds of bad plays out in the field and team sponsor Lakewood Ranch Dental gets some really good publicity. Juan Pablo says he wants a son. I guess Cameeeellllla and her dance recitals aren’t cutting it anymore.
After the game they meet the rest of Renee’s family- Mom Brenda, Dad Tom (not to be confused with Neekee’s Dad Tom in the green sweater) and a very cute brother.
Renee gets Ben ready for bed and Mom Brenda sits with Juan Pablo on a really small couch. It is very clear from Juan Pablo’s crossed arms that his lips are telling Brenda how wonderful Renee is, but his body language is saying “no rose for you Renee.” Poor Renee. Maybe next time you won’t leave your son for two months so you can be a therapist to 20 crazy insecure women and run after a guy who doesn’t want to kiss you.
Mom Brenda asks Renee if she is in love with Juan Pablo, as opposed to loving him as we do our pets. Of course Renee is totally, crazy, madly in love with him; she just needs to let him know that, which of course she doesn’t, making her the third girl in a row to fail to say those 3 little words. I’m thinking it’s probably really difficult for the girls to say “I love you” because THEY DON’T REALLY LOVE HIM! Phew. I feel better now that I said that.
Crazy as a squirrel and as angry as a swarm of bees is all we need to describe Clare. We are in a park in Sacramento, waiting for the start of Clare’s hometown date and the big reveal ... what did her family do to make Clare so crazy?
Clare is excited that their date is taking place at a park that her dead dad used to take her to. They sit on a bench and talk. Well, Juan Pablo sits on the bench; Clare awkwardly sits on Juan Pablo. Clare tells Juan Pablo that before he died, she and her dad had their daddy/daughter wedding dance. Juan Pablo is not smart enough to see this as a huge red flag and just sits there listening to story after story about Clare’s dead father.
Juan Pablo is the first guy she is bringing home since her dad died, and Ashlee starts talking about her abandonment issues. Oh, wait, sorry, I just had a little deja vu for a minute and forgot this is Clare and her issues, not Ashlee. Sorry about that. Clare talks about her father and says that he told her that anytime she needs him, she should find some water then throw rocks and he will be there. Does that mean that Dad was there in the ocean with them in Vietnam, because that’s really creepy. Either way Juan Pablo is so moved by the rock throwing speech that they go and throw rocks in the water. I would like to throw rocks at Clare.
Finally, the moment we have been waiting for — ee meet Clare’s family, Mom Lillian, sisters Lisa, Laura, Madelyn, Julie and an irrelevant brother-in-law. It is immediately apparent that Clare got all the looks in the family.
Clare tells Sister Madelyn that if Juan Pablo proposes she will say yes. Madelyn points out that she has only known him a few weeks, but is quickly shut down when Clare reminds her that their parents only knew each other for 3 weeks before they got engaged. Sister Lisa thinks Juan Pablo is a real southern gentleman who deserves Clare’s love.
Sister Laura is not having any of this and tells Clare that mama will not be giving her blessing. Clare cries and gets mad at Sister Laura and demands mama’s blessing. Sister Laura says that mama is traditional and will never give her blessing for this. Mama is not only traditional but is also apparently mute because she just sits there while Clare and Sister Laura get up in each other’s faces.
Clare tells Sister Laura that she is following her heart and it would devastate her if her family did anything to jeopardize her chances for a proposal. Sister Laura insists that she won’t let mama be manipulated and stands up in front of camera to prove how serious she is about this. Someone must have put dessert on the table because eventually Sister Laura walks away, giving Clare the opportunity to question mama directly. Sister Laura however is still lurking in the darkness and speaks for mama from behind the bushes, yelling “You are disrespecting mama.” Uh mama, feel free to speak up anytime now.
Juan Pablo finally gets some time with mama, who it isn’t mute but bilingual and speaks to Juan Pablo in Spanish and English. She explains that everyone misses “Daddy” and that Sister Laura is just being protective. Juan Pablo turns on the old lady charm and mama gives her blessing. Clare’s entire family needs intensive therapy to deal with the death of their patriarch. Where is Renee when you need her?
Clare hopes that Juan Pablo can look past her crazy family because “I would love to marry him. I would absolutely love it.” Of course you would Clare, and so would we because we are all dying to see the DVD your dad left for your future husband.
Back in Miami, Chris Harrison marches the girls out to the patio one by one and lines them up like a firing squad waiting for Juan Pablo. Chris says the gravity of the situation is weighing heavily on Juan Pablo as if Sister Laura is sitting in his lap.
The first rose goes to Neekee, the second rose goes to Clare and the third and final rose goes to Andi which we already knew from watching the promos for tomorrow night’s episode.
Juan Pablo looks sadly at rose-less Renee and cries. They sit and talk, and Juan Pablo does his patented move of wiping her tears with his thumb. He tells her he respects her and then walks her to the limo of rejection. Renee handles herself with class and dignity and doesn’t cry too badly and blow snot all over herself. Hopefully Renee will realize her true value and decide to go back to school for psychiatry.
Tomorrow night: Fantasy Suite and drama on St. Lucia. Remember, what happens in the fantasy suite stays in the fantasy suite. Unless it’s herpes because that could spread.