Last week, teams raced to Abu Dhabi, where it was hot. I decided to cheer for the Bunny Wives, and they came in last place. But they were saved by a non-elimination round. What will happen tonight?
Still in Abu Dhabi, teams have to drive themselves to some sand dunes. But first! Remember the bag of Viking coins that they dug up in Norway? If they arrange the coins in the order that they’re stenciled on the bag, and then turn them over, they’ll have the numeric code to unlock their car.
Do you know who already cracked the code? Overachieving Dater Amy, of course. The Pinks and the Bunny Wives are the only teams to struggle, but it doesn’t take them long. Oh, and the Bunnies are now calling themselves Ninjas.
Sand Dune Life Skill
Teams have to drive a dune buggy through the actual sand dunes, following flags to a clue box. The Afghanimals and the Marrieds drive the course at the same time, but the Marrieds get stuck in the sand. Travis reverses the buggy and they make their way to the clue.
The Daters finish as the Exes start driving, both teams do fine
Then the Ninja Wives and the Pink Ice girls get there at the same time, and the Ninjas get stuck in a very un-Ninja-like fashion. The Pinks pass them, and Ally shouts, “All those years at Pismo Dunes paid off!"
The Ninja wives churn up a beautiful fountain of sand as they drive themselves deeper. They try to dig out with their hands, but it doesn’t work. I don’t know if they tried to reverse, but eventually a worker comes out to tell them that they’ve burned out the clutch and they have to switch vehicles. Things are not looking good for the ninjas.
The Detour choices are: Wedding Guests, where they prepare a traditional ceremonial dish by selecting and preparing ingredients, then delivering them to a cooking station and serving wedding guests; or Beauty Contest, where they select a well-bred camel and dress it up and present it to judges
The Afghanimals choose the feast because Leo owns a restaurant/bar and he loves to chop things.
Camel selection is difficult, because they have to check for long whiskers, straight legs and good toes. “He knows he’s hot,” says Tim about one camel. The camel proceeds to kick him in the shin. They dress the camel anyway and present it to the judges, who say he is not beautiful
The Daters arrive at the camels. Amy has been Miss Teen Rhode Island and Miss Rhode Island, so she knows her way around a beauty pageant. She knows pretty. Unfortunately, the camel they choose is uncooperative and lays down in the dirt in front of the judges, getting its finery all dusty. Their camel is rejected
The Exes dress another camel. As they slip on the muzzle, Marie tells Tim, “I bet you wish you had one of these for me.” They take their second camel to the judges, and they pass! The Daters also pass with their second camel
The Pinks also choose the camel option, because, “We’re really good at makeup and hair.” They choose a good camel and sashay it over to the judges. When they pass, they emit shrieks that these Afghan men have probably never heard before, at least regarding camels
The Switching of Detours
The Exes finish with the camel while the Afghanimals were still chopping. Next they have to find a clue in a tower, and for some reason they fail to see the tower in front of their faces, so they run around the area. They run into the Afghanimals, actually, who realize that they’ve been spending too much time chopping chickens and vegetables. So, they switch! Jamal gets kicked by a camel, but they pass
The Ninja wives initially choose the camel option, but they get there at the same time as the Pinks and they don’t like the look of things. They decide to switch to the food because they don’t want their Race survival to depend on animals
Marrieds Travis and Nicole have to use their Express Pass this leg, so they walk right up to the Detour clue guy and say “hand it over.” They skip the Detour and go straight to the tower clue and Double U-Turn mat.
They U-Turn the Afghanimals for telling a lie about not U-Turning the Beards. Oh, retroactive justice is sweet, but it won’t bring those beautiful men back to me
Tim and Marie finish with their camel and fail to see the tower. Tim makes Marie get their backpacks out of the car so they can look for the tower. Marie says, “I don’t want to do what we normally do and run 45 minutes in the other direction when it was two feet from where we’re supposed to be.” The camera pans over to show the tower behind their car. I don’t know why they didn’t check it.
They run off into the streets -- at least a half a mile away, according to Dater Amy as she passes them in her car. Marie asks a shopkeeper where the tower is, and he sends them back to where they were. So she’s not a happy camper. But! There’s still a U-Turn spot open, so they use it on the Ninja Wives to give themselves a cushion. They also claim it’s for that dirty standby-line jumping the Wives did at an airport oh so many legs ago
The point is, both teams who switched Detours now have to go back and do the other side anyway! The Ninja Wives get the better end of the deal, because the camel is faster. However, the Afghanimals were mostly done with their food prep, so it doesn’t take too long
Desert whitewater rafting, because they can
The Roadblock takes place at Wadi Adventure, the world’s largest man-made river rapids. They have to raft down, with a guide, and collect three flags that are hanging above the course. If they miss, they go around again.
Nicole takes the Roadblock and misses two flags the first time, claiming she’s not tall enough. The second time, she nearly jumps out of the raft, but she gets the flags.
Dater Jason takes the Roadblock and completes it the first time. Ex Tim takes it, but his raft spins a lot and he has to go twice.
Afghanimal Jamal gets in the raft, and Pink Ice catches up at the same time. Jamal and Ashley both go around twice, but Jamal finishes first
The Ninja Wives have been catching up this whole leg. Well, catching up to the Pink Ice girls who keep getting lost.
The Wives nearly catch up at the Roadblock, except they have to perform a Speed Bump. On this leg, the Speed Bump is to swim across a wave pool which produces a six-foot wave every ninety seconds. They have to jump off a wall into the water, and Kim is afraid of heights, but she doesn’t hesitate for too long. They swim across to a rope ladder but get washed away. Ninjas never say die, though, and they finally make it out of the water.
The Marrieds get first place, which is good because they used their Express Pass. They win cars. The Daters continue their second-place streak. They had a bad driving day -- but not too bad, apparently
The Exes are in third place. The Afghanimals take fourth, pretty good for being U-Turned. Their Race wives, the Pink Ice girls, join them on the mat in fifth. Phil asks them if they have plans to hook up after the race. Jamal jokes that maybe if they finish first and second they’ll consider it
Finally the Wives check in, accompanied by the Music of Sadness. It’s their third last-place finish, and they are finally eliminated. As they leave, one says, “I don’t like being a Ninja. Maybe we can go back to being bunnies.” Aw, they’re sweet
Next week: airport confrontations! Tricky tasks in Indonesia! Jamal thinks Nicole cheats at a Roadblock! Plus, tune in to see which team I root for, because that team will be eliminated next!Copyright © 2014, The Baltimore Sun