It's a long, hot walk gathering rats, but they collect a parade of local kids as they go, and they seem to be enjoying themselves. Then one of them accidentally steps in something unsanitary. Don't worry, he rinsed it off with water and then doused it in hand sanitizer, I'm sure he'll be fine.

Team Rock On, you are Team Number One! They win a vacation, like first place usually does. I only point it out because Phil described the trip, and then on Twitter said, "Yes I know you love the way I say SPA!" I love the way he says anything, actually, but I also love the he can joke about himself. 

Whose mattress would you rather sleep on?

Skipping ahead to the Detour, teams can either pound metal with sledgehammers and help make a sharp spike, or pound cotton into tufts and then sew it into a mattress. 

Team Dominate chooses the mattress task because Abbie can sew, she went to Fashion Institute for a year. I hope in the weeks to come we learn other random, amazing things that Abbie can do. 

You know why I really love Abbie's Boyfriend this week? Because they get to the task and he's all, "Just tell me what to do, you're the expert." You know how some people (*cough* Army Dave last year *cough*) always have to be in charge, ordering their partner around? Not Nerd Boyfriend Ryan. He'll take orders, he knows he's not the master of everything.

Later, when Abbie's sewing up the mattress, he dances around and sings, "One year at Fashion Institute just paid off!" He's Proud, Supportive Nerd Boyfriend Ryan.

The Goat Farmers and the Chippendales end up making mattresses at the same time. The Chipps wonder why they picked a sewing task when they have no skills, and it makes them appreciate their wardrobe department.

Over at the next mattress, we hear, "Josh used to sew his costumes when he was a drag queen."

"But my costumes always fell apart," Josh responds. 

What? Jaymes jumps all over that, he didn't know they were competing with a drag queen. "What was your drag name?" he asks. 

"Aquadisiac," answers Josh. I had to giggle at the entire conversation.

Phil queried the Twitterverse about which mattress people would prefer to sleep on. According to him, and as I said before I always believe Phil, the drag queen mattress wins. Probably because of its superior sewing skills.

The curse of the helpful drivers

Here's where it's a little complicated. After the Detour, teams are supposed to travel to a boat dock and take a boat across a river to a specific landing. From there they have to walk a short distance to find Phil. 

Team Dominate and the Twins take the same boat across the river. The Twins call Dominate the craziest couple, "almost psychotic, and they're both in crazy good shape and can sprint like hell."

I don't know how Dominate looks like the crazy team in this match up. Maybe because they heard the word "Twinnie" too many times and lost their ever-loving minds? They are definitely good sprinters, though, they seem to find Phil first. It doesn't matter, though, since Rock On already took first place. Dominate and Twins are second and third, respectively.

Now, Monster Truckers get on one boat. The Goat Farmers just miss it, so they get on another one. The Truckers land and find Phil, but he tells them that their boat captain took them to the wrong dock. He took them to a dock closer to Phil, but is he appreciated for that? No, Mr. Trucker yells at the captain.

They take the boat back to their starting place and then return to the correct dock. Mr. Trucker insults the captain some more, and then they re-find Phil, now they are fifth.

The Goat Farmer boat arrives at the correct dock. When they land, they meet up with Team Texi! Where did they come from? Oh, their helpful cab driver took them across the river and deposited them at the dock to save them a step. Goat Farmers tell Texi to get back across the river and then come back the correct way. Good advice, Goat Farmers! You are team number four!

The Chippendales take sixth and the realigned Texans are seventh.

The fall of the Superfans

You know I was rooting for them. We all were, because they were supposed to represent us, the fans. For some reason their luck ran out and their skills couldn't save them.

It started in the first taxi from the airport to the bus Roadblock. Their driver took a "shortcut" and they arrived last. Small called it luck of the draw, Tall told him to shut up. Oh no, team discord so early in the leg!

Tall took the Roadblock and was just fed up with the physicality of it. He complained about the poor surface of the bus. He finished the task last, hot and tired. He chose the pound cotton Detour because he was feeling weak, not up to swinging a sledgehammer.

They almost caught a break when Team Texi's cab broke down. But then the Texan cab was fixed with a magical bottle of Sprite and Texi passed the Superfans once again. 

Then it got really sad -- their helpful cab driver drove them across the river and dropped them off at the landing dock, right where they ran into Texi who had just re-crossed the river correctly. Texi told Superfans that they had to cross the river by boat, and then they were total Eeyores. It was made even worse when they crossed the river in a rowboat, like all the motorized boats were too busy, or they were in no rush. 

Superfans were eliminated. They are sorry for letting all the rest of the fans down. No problem, guys, it was a tough race. I hope my son gets over your loss.

Next week looks even more physical. And we have a Chippendale down! I repeat! Chippendale down!