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'Survivor: One World' recap: Episode 5, 'A Bunch of Idiots'

I agree with whoever wrote the episode title.

Let’s start fresh this week, shall we? I’d like to pretend last week didn’t happen. In that case, I don’t know why Salani keeps talking about needing to capitalize on the fact that they have seven people when they should only have six.

You have to wonder if the producers wish last week didn’t happen either, as tonight's episode kicks off with switching up the tribes. They also apparently really liked the egg-smashing thing from last season, as they’re making everybody do it this week. Blue is Salani, and Orange is Manono, and now I’m going to have to start using the tribe names instead of being lazy and just calling them "the men" and "the women."

Kat, Jay, Kim, Chelsea, Troyzan, Michael and Sabrina are the new Salani. Which means that Tarzan, Leif, Colton, Christina, Alicia, Monica and Jonas are the new Manono. Salani got all of the muscle and none of the crazy. I feel really bad for Jonas and Monica, who seem to be the only normal people on their tribe. 

The new tribes are competing for the reward of peanut butter, jam, sugar, creamer and, most importantly, the right to stay at the One World beach. The losing tribe has to start all over again at a new beach. The challenge involves filling a bucket full of holes with water, and go figure, Salani wins. 

After the challenge, Salani is happy and Manono ... well, not so much. They at least get a bunch of new supplies. Colton is displeased that he’s on a tribe with a bunch of "people that suck." Well, then at least you’ll fit right in, sweetie. The next few minutes is Colton running around, allying himself with just about everyone there, man or woman. Let’s hope this blows up in his face.

Salani is being industrious and catching crabs and chickens. That’s a whole lot of protein for "Survivor." The men at Salani realize they are outnumbered, but if they can hang on until the merge, they might have options. Everybody is trying to realign their strategies with the new tribes, and I wouldn’t be putting anything down in stone just yet. I have the feeling alliances are going to shift quite a bit from now until the merge.

Alicia doesn’t consider Colton "a guy," but at least she recognizes that he’s crazy. And even though Alicia doesn’t like her, he’s not going to be able to convince her to vote off Christina. A woman she doesn’t like is better than a man she doesn’t trust. 

Back at Salani, Kim decides to go looking for the women’s idol, and she actually finds it. She decides to put it in her crotch, but given her bathing suit, I guess she doesn’t have much choice of where to hide it.

Manono also tries to catch some chickens, with less success. They catch a chicken, but don’t trap it properly, and it gets away. I take back what I said about Alicia earlier: Colton is playing her like a fiddle, and all it’s going to get her is voted off third.

Immunity Challenge time! Looks like water basketball (no dribbling, obviously). Jay starts the challenge by shoving Colton in the water, which always makes me happy. Leif is at a disadvantage because he can’t clear his legs out of the water to run faster, but he’s working incredibly hard. This game gets really rough. It looks like they are trying to drown Colton at one point. Salani wins 3-1. 

Manono should rethink getting rid of Monica tonight; she was the only one of any use in that challenge. They lose her, and they’re even more screwed than they already are. And Monica keeps reminding them of that fact.

Alicia tells Christina that everyone is voting for Tarzan. Actually, everybody is telling Monica and Christina that it will be Tarzan. They might do better at challenges if they did vote him off, but I’m 99 percent sure that it will be Monica. It would be awesome if some people get so confused by the lying that they forget and voted for Tarzan instead, who needs to be reminded which one Monica is.

And for the next reward challenge, could they include a new bathing suit for Tarzan? I’m getting really sick of the banana hammock.

It’s hard being the leader of a bunch of idiots, Colton? Enjoy it, because they are the only people who would let you lead them.

At Tribal Council, Jeff must have watched the dailies, because he’s trying his darndest to catch someone in a lie and get them to spill that it’s Monica going home. Tarzan also says a bunch of stuff, but I really didn’t understand any of it. Neither does Jeff. But, wow, he really does have a big vocabulary. You’d think he’d make more sense with that many words at his disposal. Wait, he’s a doctor, isn’t he? Oh, and he’s actually got a reason why he can’t remember people’s names. “Nominal aphasia” is what he calls it. I hope he doesn’t end up voting for the wrong person because of it.

And Monica is out, as she and Christina were definitely blindsided. Jeff points out the problem with voting out your strongest person, especially when it’s only Day 14.

Wait, it’s only Day 14? This season is never going to end, is it?

Next week: Colton’s a jerk some more, and someone gets hurt.

Copyright © 2014, The Baltimore Sun
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