By Katie Hutchinson
8:51 AM EDT, June 29, 2012
So wait, Snooki and Jionni's baby is not going to be a basketball player?
Hell, I'll be impressed if he is able to land a job outside of the candy factory. It's okay, I'm sure their baby boy will grow up to be an amazing shoe-shiner, jockey, or cheerleader just like his mama, if they allow boys at the top of the pyramid.
All short jokes aside (since I am quickly becoming as bad as Roger!), was Jionni serious when he said that Snooki is only 4'8" and he measures in at 4'10"? Holy sh-orties!
At a whopping 5'3", I would be considered a giant amongst the village of midgets they are reproducing.
When the episode begins, there's an 'Awww' moment when Snooki asks her best gal pal to be the Godmother of her future mini juice-head gorilla.
Jenni happily accepts of course, but lets out her true inner feelings the second she is alone in her car by letting out a shrilling scream and curses at the top of her lungs.
The underlying theme of this episode for JWOWW is that of Murphy's Law: Whatever could go wrong did, but Jenni drives right on past all of the blaring stop signs along the route -- but barely.
First, JWOWW's brand new car leaks a puddle of mystery fluid, then Roger unsuccessfully attempts to teach her to drive stick shift, and ends up driving her in his car, where the weight of her luggage in his trunk almost blows out a tire.
JWOWW jokes with Rodger about being pregnant as well, but he quickly squashes those rumors by stating, "I know that's not true because I try and have sex with you six times a day and constantly get denied, denied, denied."
Roger and Snooki commiserate with one another over the "Anti-Sex" spells affecting their relationships. "It's been like a week, that's a long time for us!" Snooki said. "We're going on like a year," admits Rodger.
My favorite part was when Snooki tells JWOWW that she should get pregnant too so that they can have babies together.
Obviously, Jenni and Roger look at her like she is out of her mind, but I have to admit I would say the same thing to my bestie. Misery loves company, and let's face it, Snooki said it best to Roger, "I mean your sperm is getting old!"
In the end, we witness a rare moment of an insecure version of the ballsy JWOWW we know when she tells Roger that he is not allowed to go to Jionni's bachelor party in Vegas (which is a year an half away!).
JWOWW explains that she thinks it's disrespectful and disgusting. No dirty skanks are going to be grinding on her man, uh uh, but Roger so wisely says, "No, it's about trust."
Snooki told it like it is: "Jenni's a psycho b!%#$ for a girlfriend" and that she's okay with Jionni having a bachelor party "because he would leave me if I was like that!"
Things I learned from Snooki and JWOWW on This Episode:
Snooki reveals that she is three months along in her pregnancy and Jionni wanting to play with her stomach is "creepy" and he needs to wait until she is "large and in charge!"
Snooki reveals that she is a vet tech and gets "pissed and sh!% on all the time." She may be cut out for motherhood after all!
Just as the theme song says, over and over ... and over again, "I don't care, I love it!"
Until next week – Agree with me, or agree to disagree with me? Let me know @KT_HUTCH
Copyright © 2014, The Baltimore Sun