By Meagan O'Neill
11:10 AM EST, January 7, 2013
Our favorite Hamptonites return from winter break, though it is summer in the Hamptons now, which is just rubbing it in because most of us were watching this wearing a sweatshirt and covered in a blanket.
But they came back in grand style. The magic "X" red marker returned, as did a lip lock with an ex, a drug bust and some good old fashioned black mail.
Emily reminded me why I loved this show to start with — the targets that she took down, one by one. Tonight’s target was Judge Barnes, who you may have recognized as Joe Biden’s doppelganger.
To start the take down, Emily reminded us once again that she is the worst dinner party guest. As the Barnes’ use an excuse of Patricia’s headache as an excuse to escape the questioning, and get out before the Judge completely breaks off Patricia’s hand, Emily picks up a scent.
Once back home, Emily does a little more digging and realizes that the judge is abusing his wife, and with that Emily further deduces that Patricia must have written the letter. I’m no Emily Thorne, but that curly handwriting in the letter might have been my first hint that it was not written by Palmer.
Once Emily hears that Patricia isn’t introducing Conrad due to a "migraine," she knows she has her in with Patricia. Not quite sure what she would have done if she hadn’t uncovered the abuse, but she is able to make it work on her behalf.
No one seems to question why Patricia, who was too sick to introduce Conrad, is suddenly able to introduce her husband, but that question is forgotten when she blames her husband for the mistrial of David Clarke, and reveals her beaten arms. I think this is the first time that it has been publicly revealed that David Clarke might have been innocent, so I am surprised that there wasn’t more buzz about that.
In the midst of the drama at the Graysons, Declan is once again causing problems at The Stowaway. I know he means well, but they are clearly dealing with some very bad guys. Now that Jack is in jail, I’m actually kind of worried about Declan! The Porter’s have some ties to money (Emily and Charlotte), and considering how bad these brothers seem, I think it’s time to cut the loses and evacuate the dance floor.
You know I love how all of Emily’s plotting comes together — but Helen’s plotting might be a bit too much of a stretch, even for me. First, Helen plants the idea of hidden assets in Grayson Global to Daniel, knowing he will have Nolan go through everything on the hard drive.
When Nolan goes through he finds hidden security footage which includes Helen making a phone call and using a passcode. Nolan shares this with Aiden, which apparently was Helen’s intent all along? She’s running the initiative, certainly she could have found an easier way to get in touch with Aiden if she wanted to threaten him.
Who is writing Nolan’s lines, and why are they slacking on everyone else’s? Per usual, he wins for best lines of the night, with “A fake up?!” and “Bros before hoes only works if the bro isn’t in love with the hoe.” Give him a spin-off already!
Finally, this wouldn’t be a recap if we didn’t include that kiss between Daniel and Emily. This girl has more money than she knows what to do with, and two (potentially three if we include Jack) cute guys in love with her? One of whom has a trust fund to rival hers and the other who has a wonderful accent?
If she hadn’t had such a terrible first 20 years of life I’d be seriously envious of her (as it stands, I am still a smidge envious). It will be interesting to see where that kiss leads – and how it will play into Aiden’s plans if he choses cooperating with the initiative to save his sister over Emily.
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