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'The Real Housewives of Orange County' recap: 'Dirty Housewives'

Things got muddy. Literally.

By Stephanie Region

12:51 PM EDT, April 4, 2012

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They're baaaacckk!!! We’ve had a week off from the O.C. ladies, so let’s review: Alexis and Gretchen’s friendship has been set to self-destruct, Tamra has decided to get rid of her silicone since she is finally on the verge of getting rid of Simon, and Heather? Well, she’s still annoying.

This episode is rather mundane leading up to the main event. We see Heather try to make over her husband Terry, while Eddie and Tamra take their trademark creepy and inappropriate antics to the gym. Alexis is recuperating from sinus surgery, taking her mask off just long enough to cast aspersions on Tamra. The only bright spot is that outside in the real world, Briana is also recuperating. 

Those of us who keep up with all things "Housewives," already knew that Briana's biopsy results were going to come back free of cancer, but the show actually had me doubting this. The poor girl has been suffering for years and on the last episode, doctors removed 35 tumors that had spread to her lymph nodes! It is amazing that she is healthy and cancer-free. I wish her all the best -- after all we need someone to keep Vicki somewhat grounded.

This brings us to the focus of the night: The Del Mar Mud Run. Bravo is getting pretty heavy-handed in their staging. We know that the events the ladies attend are legit, but the guest list isn’t always as genuine. This week, amid disintegrating friendships, the women are literally crawling through mud and the charity for which they are supposedly running is never disclosed. Obvious much?

Speaking of mud slinging, it’s time for superlatives!

Mothermucker: Slade

Slade heard that it is not safe to run in mud without drilling holes in your shoes, so he does -- but only in his own shoes! Gretchen asked him why he didn’t drill her shoes too and his reasoning is that he didn’t know what shoes she was going to wear. (Because living together and driving to the event together affords no opportunity to ask!) As if that isn’t enough, Gretchen actually sprains her ankle in the mud. I know Slade says he’s not Gretchen’s manager, but he does book all of her appearances. I’m thinking at this point Gretchen would be better off with Kris Jenner as a manager. At least then Gretchen wouldn’t get hurt – all she would have to do is make a sex tape and let Kris call her fat every now and then.

Purple Heart: Tamra

It is her own personal D-day, and Tamra is able to escape an unhealthy marriage, but she does not get out unscathed. Tamra grates my nerves, but I understand that divorce is hard. Even though she is happy in a new relationship, Tamra was married for 15 years with 3 kids, and that isn’t easy to walk away from' I sympathize with her tears. And while she has every right to it, she waived spousal support because she doesn’t need her ex-husband’s money. It is rare for me to be on Tamra’s side for anything, but I’m going to give this one to her.

The Pinocchio Award for Honesty: Vicki

You thought I was going to give Alexis this award, right? Nope! Vicki was in the running for this award when she tried to explain what Brooks does for a living (he’s an "entrepreneur" with no specific job title and can work from anywhere, which is why he spends half his time away from her). She won the Pinocchio in a landslide when, instead of saying “I love you, too” to Brooks, she started crying stating that she felt guilty because she was so happy. Oh, please.

I am looking forward to next week because Sarah Winchester returns. Girl is going to spice it up and Lord knows this season needs some spice! What do you think of the season so far? Sound off in the comments below and be sure to follow me on Twitter @MutesVoice.