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'Real Housewives of Beverly Hills' recap, The four-letter fallout

Personal ServiceF-bomb DroppingThe Real Housewives of Beverly Hills (tv program)

We pick up right where we left off: at the dinner table, post-F-bomb. And it is tense, y'all. Brandi and Kim leave the table, and Lisa stays behind, defending Brandi as the other Housewives gasp at her lack of couth. Blah.

When she and Kyle get back to the table, Brandi apologizes for swearing, but refuses to say she's sorry for telling Adrienne to shut up. Then she drops the news about her book deal, which pisses off Taylor, as predicted.  

When Taylor released her tell-all, a short six months after her husband died, Brandi was the first one to criticize her. Now, Brandi's writing a book about her divorce, and Taylor calls bull.

Is it just my Brandi Bias, or is Taylor reaching here? Sure, they're both profiting off of their ended marriages, but the difference is that Taylor's husband died. Their marital issues aside, it's a little cold to even seemingly profit off of his death.

The potential Brandi/Taylor standoff is ruined by Adrienne, who butts in, saying that she's got a book deal, too. About what, Adrienne? Either way, no one really cares, and they leave Adrienne hanging when she calls for a toast. That awkward sip she took when no one bothered to raise a glass? Golden.

The next day, Lisa pulls Brandi to the side, telling her that she'd given Adrienne and the rest of the she-devils unnecessary ammo in their war against her. Of course, she was right in telling Adrienne to shut up -- she really needed to -- but Brandi opened the catty floodgates when she put coarse language into play. If she doesn't learn how to lob instead of spike, she'll always be on the wrong end of a fight with these women.

Tension effectively swept under the rug, the ladies go back to spa-ing it up in O'jai. Lisa and Yolanda seem to have made a non-verbal agreement to make the rest of the trip as light-hearted as possible. They start go-kart racing, and they even get in a towel-throwing fight in the steam room. Kyle got it right when she said the women were like "monkeys in a cage." And Kyle's chimp shriek? ROTFLLMBO!

And then came the liquor. The Housewives downed a few gallons of wine and then started doing drunken gymnastics in the hotel room. Of course, most of them wore dresses -- with thongs underneath -- so butt cheeks were flashed when they did back flips. Classy.

Yolanda and Kim retired early. Kim, because she's sober, and Yolanda because she decided to be boring today. Remember how upset she got at sloppy drunk Taylor during her dinner party? Yeah, that's Yolanda's thing: she despises drunk women. Plus, she needs to get up for her morning run to keep her tummy looking as tight as ever. If she doesn't stop being so judgmental, she’s well on her way to becoming season three's outcast.

Plus, she missed out on the arm wrestling, which starts with Brandi and Taylor. Is Taylor sure about this? Brandi's arms are pretty cut. There's some writhing on the floor and wrestling, and I really want someone to swing a punch. Or at least pull a little hair. Aww, poo poo! The women on the bed read my mind, and told them to break it up. For the record, Brandi won.

Next up, Adrienne and Brandi. Adrienne, who "grew up with all brothers" feels that it comes natural, but Lisa's right -- Brandi's out for blood. Adrienne's doing the floppy-armed cheating thing, which obvs rubbed Brandi the wrong way. In her confessional she suggested that "That's how you cheat" is Adrienne's motto.

It's all very Babysitter's Club Movie -- I don't know what this says about me, but it's also incredibly boring. It's nice that everyone’s playing nice, even after they've been imbibing, but this is not what we watch reality TV for. Give me some tension! Some pettiness! Some wildly inappropriate displays of squandered wealth!

On the way back, they were having pleasant convo, until Kyle decides to bring up Brandi's F-bomb. Well played, Kyle.

Of course, Adrienne tries to back-pedal away from her past bullying, saying she wasn't trying to draw attention to Kim's crying to mock her. She was just genuinely curious as to what was wrong with Kimmy Poo. Whatever.

Fortunately, Brandi isn't buying it. Adrienne announced that Kim was crying four times! Adrienne claims she said it twice, and without any ill intent, but Brandi is set on making sure she doesn't let this get swept aside with all of the other sticky situations the Housewives try to ignore.

Turns out, Brandi was most upset because she felt like Adrienne's announcement that Kim was crying was an attempt to make Brandi look like she was bothering Kim. Which makes perfect sense, actually. Brandi's being branded the show bully/troublemaker right now, and Adrienne, lover of drama and dissension, would get off on adding something else to Brandi's list of misdeeds.

Honestly, I'm sick of Adrienne causing problems and then scurrying away from them when things get rough. Don't start none, won't be none.

Brandi, tired of watching Adrienne squirm, shuts the conversation down because she thinks it's best they discuss it in private. Then, Lisa steps in to play peacemaker in her cute, little fedora. And she's right: Bottled up anger is not a friend to these women.

But Kyle's the real ish-starter in the back of that limo. She probably brought up the day-old mini-spat because she was bored on their ride back from O'jai, but as usual, she pretends that she butted in out of "concern" ... because Brandi and Adrienne were such great friends before. Got it!

It's understandable, though. Kyle's storyline has been pretty bland, as of late. Gotta earn her keep somehow.

Next week: Ken's going in for a hip replacement, and Lisa is more than a little worried. Kim discusses her fears of relapse.

Kim snitches to Adrienne and Paul that Brandi gossiped about the Maloofs. Oooh! Tough Paul is back! The words "defamatory," "slammed" and "sued" were used.

Wait ... did Paul just decide to confront Brandi? Did he just call her a ... Oh! Can't wait until next week!

Copyright © 2014, The Baltimore Sun
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Personal ServiceF-bomb DroppingThe Real Housewives of Beverly Hills (tv program)
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