After her meeting with Scheana, Brandi sits down with Lisa to process it all. She almost feels sorry for Scheana, despite the fact that she continued to sleep with Eddie after discovering that Brandi was pregnant.
But Brandi's being mature about it. It was his choice to leave. Scheana didn't twist his arm. But Brandi is trying to be strong and hold on. Kudos to her.
Kyle visits Yolanda after suddenly remembering she's on this show, too. Yo Yo's collecting honey from her bee hives -- of freaking course -- and Kyle is not trying to get anywhere near all of that.
Get this: Not only does Yolanda make her own honey, but she also grows lavender and has an actual lemon grove in her backyard. Because she got so obsessed with the master cleanse the first time she did it, she decided she always wanted to have organic lemons on hand. There is no way her family goes through all of those things. If she doesn't donate the leftovers, I'm done with Yolanda forever.
She's teaching Kyle how to make the master cleanse concoction because Kyle's on a mission to lose weight -- at least until she gets back home. Yolanda asks her about Kim, who she has invited to try the cleanse three times. Yeah, I bet your old friends were just lining up to do that, Yolanda.
Aww. Sweet Childhood Story Time! When Kyle was little, she thought Kim really had magic powers because of her role in "Escape to Witch Mountain." Kim really looked after her, but when they fight, it gets intense.
Yolanda gives Kyle some good advice about forgiving her sister and making sure she's there for her. But between the stupid fedora she's wearing and her constantly pushing the master cleanse, it's hard to take her seriously. Why are we repeating the fashion mistakes of the early 2000s?
Kim's life coach, Gary, meets her at home. They've been working together for about five years and he can tell that she's on the right track. Kim is coming to grips with the fact that Kyle really pushes her buttons. She feels like Kyle isn't the same person, but Gary insists that it's her seeing it with sober eyes.
She hasn't gotten over the fact that Kyle decided to call her out on her alcoholism in public instead of pulling her aside. Gary believes that Kyle thought rehab would be a magical fix for Kim, erasing the years of pain that came with her addiction.
Lisa heads over to Villa Blanca to meet with the executive chef while Ken prepares a little surprise for her. At first glance it looks like a mess of pink roses and ribbons, but it turns out to be this awesome swing, a bed of roses in the shape of a heart and a little chair for the dog. It's just like the swing in the backyard when they were first married 30 years ago. And he wants to renew their vows. In short, Ken's a keeper.
Kyle plans yet another dinner party to give Marissa another chance to get to know the girls. For some reason, she's still pretending that there's anything functional about their friendships. Except for Lisa and Brandi. They're BFFS, dawg. Fortunately, Adrienne and Paul skipped town, so they can't make it. Really loving this break from them.
But enough of this love and positivity! Paul and Adrienne are suing Brandi. Basically, Brandi has to meet with them to sign a document stating that she will never talk about the Maloofs again.
This is getting serious. According to about five gossip blogs, Brandi, Bravo and the Maloofs are all staying mum about whatever Brandi said all of those episodes ago. Plus, Adrienne has even been threatening to leave the show. No tears spilled about that, but what kind of lethal gossip caused this huge of a fallout?
The online rumor mill suggests that it has something to do with the Maloof children. Allegations that Adrienne may have used a surrogate seem to be the most popular. But that would be silly. There's no stigma around using a surrogate anymore, is there?
It's more likely about the rumors that Paul and Adrienne are headed for divorce. But does any of that actually warrant suing Brandi? She's not the first person to suggest that they are dunzo. And she won't be the last.
Back to the party. The rest of the gang shows up, and after the obligatory "You look great" comments are exchanged, Yolanda pointedly tells Kim that she and Kyle met up to get their cleanse on. Tension starts building on impact. Kim doesn't remember being invited to Yolanda's, or at least she doesn't remember setting a concrete date.
Kim shuts down, saying she doesn't want to do the master cleanse because her body can't take it. If she doesn't want to do it, she just shouldn't do it. Simple. Luckily she's saved by the belly dancers in what was one of the most awkward 30 seconds of this season. Did Mauricio really put a dollar down Kyle's dress on national television? Their poor children.
After that's over, Kim finally talks to Kyle about not wanting to hold grudges, and working on their relationship. In her confessional, Kyle makes it clear that she doesn't put much stock in the apology because she pretty much expects Kim to relapse. Way to be supportive! She does agree to try and rebuild their relationship, which is a start.
Yolanda, our resident expert on Arab culture, is upset that the others aren't fully immersing themselves in the experience. She may be right. Kyle actually gets pissy because they don't bring out forks, like she's not the one who picked this restaurant.
Then Yolanda's name-dropping begins. Barbara Streisand was at the house chilling with David, or whatever, so he couldn't make it. Oooh, did you know that Kyle and Kim were in a movie with Babs' husband way back when?
I hate when they do this.
Welp, Taylor's drunk again, but this time her oversharing is actually really touching. She feels like she's cheating on her late husband if she dates. It's especially hard for her to process because he took his own life. She really should keep talking about this, because she definitely needs to get it out. Just not at this party.
Plus, Taylor's lawsuit was settled. And Brandi's is just getting started. Yolanda wonders why Adrienne is bothering to go through all of this, reminding us all why she is awesome. Kyle knows why: to intimidate Brandi. Wonder if she'll say that to Adrienne’s face?
Yolanda and Lisa both feel like Adrienne's going overboard by throwing her money and power in Brandi's face. Brandi already spent $2000 she didn't have in hiring that lawyer. Yolanda also feels like Brandi should have womanned up and apologized. Brandi claims she tried to call Adrienne, but then the lawyer sent her a letter. Mauricio suggests that Adrienne may back off if Brandi apologizes. Seriously doubt it.
Lisa is right. Adrienne did say, "Friends don't sue friends." Plus, as Taylor aptly notes, the physical abuse she suffered for years was considered fair game. Why should Adrienne's boundaries be respected if Taylor's weren't?
Kim -- the absolute last person I expected to be guilty of victim blaming -- chimes in, saying that Taylor could've easily ended her marriage. Have you never read a pamphlet on domestic violence? It's rarely as simple as just packing your bags.
Brandi starts to squirm and is ready to leave, but Taylor pushes her to stay and fight her battle. With their history, it's really big of Taylor to support Brandi like this.
Mauricio has always been personally offended by Brandi's comments, but when he starts really badgering Brandi, Ken jumps to the rescue. Mauricio wants to know why Brandi even made the dreaded comment, but Ken thinks that's beside the point. Ken slips up and says it was the truth, anyway, but Lisa, not eager to be sued, whispers that they don't "know" for sure. Well-played.
Finally, Brandi gets tough with Mauricio, because he really was being a jerk. Back down, guy. This has nothing to do with you. Ken's right. Brandi's lawyer would probably advise her not to call Adrienne. Ken does get a little Cro-Magnon when he starts going on about Brandi having "no man protecting her" but the heart of his comments are true: Adrienne is essentially picking on her at this point.
Then Kim steps up to the plate to discuss Brandi calling her a drug addict way back when. Brandi says she was trying to defend herself both times, but Kim is firm.
Finally, Lisa makes another obvious argument against all this madness. Where was all of this anti-gossip talk when Adrienne was busy accusing her of selling stories?
Mauricio tries to dismiss that as superficial, but it was a threat to her integrity. Brandi's taking responsibility for her actions, but that's not enough for Mauricio. He thinks she deserves what she's getting.
Brandi's right. He really should shut up.
Next week: A trip to a swanky art gallery plus the return of Adrienne and Paul. Joy.Copyright © 2014, The Baltimore Sun